


Inside Out

by ButITry



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Fluff, Love, M/M, No Spoilers, most adorable couple ever in my opinion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-12 15:23:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11164665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButITry/pseuds/ButITry
Summary: Akira has known he loved Ryuji for a very long time. It's been over a year since they first met, and after deciding to stay in the city, he's realized he can't go on forever without telling Ryuji how he truly feels.





	1. June

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so this is my first fan fiction I've written in YEARS. So please, go easy on me :) I couldn't resist. I love these two. Let me know what you think. I have about 1 more chapter to write, and I've really been enjoying it. Rated explicit just to cover my bases. Lots of swearing. Not 100% sure if I will add a sex scene or not yet.

_Fucking Ryuji..._ So there I stood, in an awkward spot that I found myself in quite often. In the Leblanc restroom, my back against the cool wall, my pants down below my crotch, a wad of toilet paper pressed against my dick to keep my cum from shooting onto the ground. I sighed deeply, feeling yet again ashamed of myself, as I pulled my pants up and tossed the toilet paper into the toilet. I flushed it and washed my hands, barely able to look at myself in the mirror. _Maybe I wouldn't feel so disgusting if I could actually jerk off in my room..._

I ran my fingers through my hair and left the restroom, glancing cautiously around even though I knew it was well past close, and jogged upstairs. Morgana was curled up on my bed, his head lifting as I walked closer and tossed my glasses onto my desk. I got into bed without a word and pulled the covers over me despite the sweat forming on my back. Morgana took his usual spot curled up right beside me. I'd become accustomed to having him lay with me every night. But there was a definite lack of privacy because of him.

I turned restlessly and sighed again, closing my eyes. Just as I did that, however, my phone went off.

"Who is that?" Morgana groaned. "I was having the nicest dream before you came up, and I wanted to get back to it!" He complained dramatically.

"Yeah. Sorry." I grabbed it from beside me and looked to see Makoto texted me.

'Hey. Sorry to bother you at this hour.' She wrote. I refrained from rolling my eyes and simply set my phone down. It wasn't her fault I was feeling this way tonight... I had one person on my mind, and it certainly wasn't Makoto. There was one person I couldn't get out of my mind since I moved to the city.

Ryuji Sakamoto. That mother fucker.

<<>>

The next morning I decided to leave Morgana behind. I knew he got bored being stuck at the cafe all day, but I really wasn't doing anything exciting after school. I drank my cup of coffee and headed out the door. The train cars were always packed, which I still wasn't very accustomed to. Being smashed uncomfortably close to a bunch of miserable business men who reeked of booze and cigarettes wasn't ideal.

Eventually I stepped off my final train, breathing a sigh of relief, and headed out of the station. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and kept my eyes focused in front of me.

"Yo, Akira!" I suddenly heard an oh so familiar voice call from behind me. My shoulders tensed so much I thought for sure it was visible. I stopped in my tracks and smacked a fake smile on my face before turning to see Ryuji jogging over to me. It wasn't that I was unhappy to see him, I just wasn't particularly in the mood. Some days it was easier to shove my feelings to the back of my head than others. Today was not one of those days.

"What's up?" I asked casually and we began walking step in step towards the school.

"Nothing much man," He sighed. "So fuckin' sick of coming to school." I laughed a bit at that and nodded, completely understanding the feeling.

"Yeah. I'm sick of cramming in those damn train cars." I shook my head at the thought.

"So- uh, whatcha doin' after school?" He asked brightly. I shrugged a shoulder nonchalantly, glancing over at him as I spoke.

"I hadn't planned anything, why?" I asked in return.

"You wanna go get something to eat? It is Saturday, after all!" He suggested. _No!_ Without hesitation, I nodded with a small grin.

"Yeah, that sounds good, man," I accepted the offer quickly. _Why! Why do you do this to yourself, Akira?_ I liked spending time with Ryuji, despite feeling somewhat tortured when I was around him. He was my best friend, after all... And I could never say no to him. I didn't _want_ to say no to him.. I just knew it would probably be better for my mental health to try and distance myself from him when I was feeling especially vulnerable to my emotions.

"Think of where you wanna go. I almost wish you'd said no, 'cause now I'm gonna want to get outta that hell hole even faster!" Ryuji complained dramatically, his shoulders drooping. I couldn't help but smile and shake my head. He was so simple. So easy to please. That's what I loved about him. I understood him, and I liked to think he understood me as well.

Our walk to the school ended far too quickly, and we were soon at the school gate. We walked up the stairs, our feet dragging as we went. Neither of us wanted to reach our floor. Soon enough we reached my classroom. Ryuji groaned and cast me a woeful look. I grinned at my friend and shrugged. "I guess this is good bye..." I tried to give him the most serious, bad soap opera voice I could muster. "But, please. Promise you'll forever keep me in your heart."

"I'll be waiting for you, Akira!" He continued walking, calling over his shoulder, his arm stretched back towards me as he went. "I'll never forget youuuuu!" We both laughed, not caring about the other students casting us dirty looks, as I entered my classroom. I walked over to my seat and sat my ass down, my eyes immediately looking towards the window. It was sunny out, a couple fluffy clouds in the sky. It was hard not to look outside during class. The classroom was such a dismal environment.

"Hey, Akira!" I heard the familiar, bubbly, slightly annoying voice of Ann as she sat down in her seat in front of me.

"Hello," I greeted with a smile.

"What's up!" She asked. I wasn't in the mood for small talk, so I was hoping the teacher would begin lecture soon.

"Oh, nothing. Another day... you?" I asked, attempting to hide my disinterest. Not sure how that was going, though. Ann annoyed me. She annoyed me and I had no rational reason for it, but I knew why. I was jealous of her- stupidly jealous of her. I didn't care how many times she denied it, I knew she had a crush on Ryuji. The way she bickered with him constantly was so clearly overcompensation. I didn't miss the way she looked at him when he wasn't paying attention, or how disappointed she looked when he wouldn't choose to sit next to her. I knew exactly how she felt, though. Sometimes I wondered if she noticed the same things in me.

"You doing anything after class?" She asked, twirling her hair between her fingers.

"I'm just gonna go home, I think," I lied. "I was up pretty late last night, so I'm gonna relax." Her brow furrowed slightly.

"Damn," She murmured with a small sigh. Clearly she'd wanted to do something... but I wasn't about to give up my alone time with Ryuji. Sure, we often hung out just the two of us.. and maybe it would be better for me if the three of us hung out instead of just the two of us... but still, I enjoyed hanging out with him alone too much to give it up. "You should really get more sleep, ya know!" She scolded. I cast her a fake grin with a small nod.

Thank god, just as she was about to open her mouth again, the teacher began speaking. I breathed a sigh of relief and sunk down in my seat, turning my head to look out the window once more. I could listen and watch the clouds, couldn't I? I let my cheek rest on my palm, my elbow propped against my desk. My stomach fluttered with excitement as I reminded myself that I would get to enjoy my evening after school.

_Ryuji..._

I felt so conflicted. I loved spending time with him. It was hands down my favorite way to spend my free time. But as much as I enjoyed it, there was always a small achy pain in the back of my mind when I was with him. I would never be with him in the way I wanted. Little did he know, as we hung out as best friends, I was subconsciously always thinking about what it would be like to be more than just friends. It almost felt wrong... If only he knew the overwhelming amount of attraction I felt in my chest every time I looked at him, or heard his voice call my name from across the hall, or that every time my phone buzzed in my pocket I was hoping it was him texting.

I sighed and tried to push those thoughts into the back of my head, like I always did. I tried to turn my attention back to lecture, but it was so fucking boring. School was so difficult to focus on. I just wanted it to be over.. It was the middle of June, so it wouldn't be too much longer to summer break. School had only started a few months ago, so we still had a long time to graduation. But I was looking forward to it, as we all were. I didn't necessarily want to think about what was going to happen when it was over, though...

Class went on, and sitting in my seat, tuning in and out of lecture, was torturous. That was when my phone suddenly buzzed in my pocket. I glanced up at the teacher to see they weren't looking in my direction before pulling my phone out. I opened it to see Ryuji had texted me. 'So have you thought of where to eat?' No, not really. But I knew an idea I could easily pull out of my ass that always got him excited.

'What about ramen?' I texted back hastily. It was easy and good, so why not?

'Sounds good to me, dude!' He replied, and then quickly sent a second message right after. 'Class is so fuckin' boring.'

'Yeah, same here.' I replied before putting my phone back in my pocket. I would have loved to keep texting him, but I thought it was for the best if I didn't. My phone buzzed a few times through the class, but I ignored it. Instead I found my eyes trailing back to the window, getting lost in my own fucked up thoughts once again.

<<>>

After what felt like many more hours than it actually was, class came to an end. I immediately grabbed my phone out of my pocket and read the two texts Ryuji had sent me. 'I'm so ready for this shit to be over.' Followed by: 'Well, meet me in the hallway after class and we can take the train to the ramen shop.' I glanced up at Ann swiftly to see she was still seated in front of me, gathering her stuff together. God dammit...

'Meet me at the front gate, actually.' I texted quickly. I stood up, stretching my arms above my head. My phone buzzed, and it was Ryuji agreeing to meet there. I looked at Ann again and decided to be nice.

"See ya, Ann," I said and gave a lazy wave. She smiled at me and waved back.

"Bye, Akira. Get some rest!" She said playfully before standing as well. With a nod, I turned swiftly and headed out the doors. I didn't want her to walk with me, or else my plan of meeting Ryuji outside would be ruined. I know it was stupid, but I didn't want her to know I'd lied to her.

I walked through the halls, brushing past students as they hurried to get to the front doors or to their after school activities. Soon enough I made it out the front door. I walked down the stairs, peering around for my friend. Once I made it down onto the street, I glanced over to see Ryuji standing against the concrete wall, his arms loosely crossed. I could feel myself perk up as soon as I spotted him, and as if he heard me telepathically, he looked over to meet my gaze. A wide smile spread over his face and he stood up straight.

"Yo!" He called as I walked over. "Wanna get going?" He asked. I nodded, deciding not to explain why I wanted to meet outside instead if he wasn't going to ask. We began walking side by side, chatting about the day. I peered over my shoulder briefly, making sure Ann wasn't lurking behind us somewhere. When I turned back, Ryuji stumbled forward slightly, re-balancing himself on his two feet again quickly. He grimaced and stopped walking momentarily to lean down and rub his leg. "Fuck, man," He muttered.

"You alright?" I asked, concern fluttering through me lightly. He recomposed himself and nodded.

"Yeah, it's nothing. Leg's just been bothering me today." He shrugged it off dismissively and continued walking. Fucking Kamoshida... I tried not to think about him anymore, but when Ryuji's leg was hurting, it was hard not to.

We managed to get a seat beside each other on the train. It usually wasn't as busy when school let out as it was in the morning, which I was always grateful for. "We should all do somethin' fun when summer break comes," Ryuji suggested, sounding fairly excited. I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. But what?" I asked, leaning back in my seat more and crossing my arms. He shrugged a shoulder.

"I dunno, man... The girls- well, Ann in particular, seem to enjoy the beach. But it really ain't that special." He sighed, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. I nodded.

"Yeah, I agree. I'm looking forward to sleeping in," I told him, thinking fondly of what was to come. I woke up in the morning on my days off, that wasn't a problem.. but waking up as early as I had to for school, I didn't like. Every now and again I would sleep in until noon or so. It was nice.

"Hell yeah!" Ryuji laughed. "Fuck that wakin' up bullshit!" He blurted out quite loudly, causing people on the train to give us disapproving glances. I stifled my laughter, lightly placing my hand over my mouth, and shook my head. That was another thing I loved about him. He didn't give a damn about how vulgar he was in public, or who was around. He clearly didn't believe in censoring himself, and I really admired it. Not that I cared about being conservative, but I wasn't as outspoken as Ryuji.

We made it to the ramen shop in good time. It was fairly busy but I'd learned to expect that. We took our seats and ordered our food. It never took long to get what you ordered.

"So, what do you think you're gonna do once school is over?" Ryuji asked, fiddling with a napkin in his hands. "I know it's a long while off, but I dunno...," He grumbled, seeming slightly troubled. My brow furrowed and I shrugged.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I don't know if I even _want_ to go to University." I sighed, folding my hands together on the table in front of myself. He looked over and nodded.

"Dude, same here." He shook his head. "I'm so damn sick of school!" He groaned loudly, letting his head hang slightly. "But I feel like my mom would be disappointed and shit if I didn't... and I don't wanna do that to her." I nodded, not sure what to say. I understood why he would feel pressured into going, and why he would wanna do as little as possible to disappoint her.

"It'll all work out, Ryuji," I told him calmly.

"Yeah, you're right." He grinned over at me with a nod. "It still stresses me out a little to think about." My phone buzzed in my pocket and I frowned, wondering who it could be. I pulled it out and looked to see Makoto had texted me. God dammit, what bad timing. That's when I remembered I'd never answered her late night text.

'Hey, you okay? You never got back to me and that's not like you...' I huffed slightly, immediately regretting it. I didn't want Ryuji to notice my lack of joy from her texting me.

"Hm? What's up, man?" He asked, trying to peer nosily over at my phone. I pulled it back and cast him a playful scowl.

"It's just Makoto...," I replied, trying not to sound too indignant. I didn't want him to think my annoyance was towards him at all. He nodded, quickly looking forward again, his eyebrows furrowed slightly. What was that about? I must have sounded angrier than I thought.

"How's she?" He asked happily- a bit too happily, especially for the look on his face. 

"I don't know. She texted me last night and I never answered her, so now she thinks I'm dying in a ditch, overdosing or some shit," I laughed. He snickered as well, a smile back on his face. I decided to reply. 'Yeah, I'm fine. I was just sleeping. What's up?' The last thing I wanted was to be ignoring Ryuji for my phone, but at the same time I didn't want her to worry.

As soon as I sent my text, our bowls of ramen were placed in front of us. It was steaming, and I knew it was a little too hot for me to eat. Ryuji, on the other hand, shoved a scoop of noddles into his mouth immediately. "Shit!" He hissed as audibly as he could with his mouth so full. I couldn't help but laugh at this. "Damn, that's hot!" He whined as soon as he managed to swallow his food.

"No shit, it's hot!" I snickered.

"I couldn't help it, dude. Shit smells so good," He argued defensively. I simply smiled at my friend. I couldn't deny, it did smell really good. I had a little more self restrain, though, so I would wait until it was at an edible temperature. My phone buzzed again. Shit... I hesitated before pulling it out and checking it.

'I've been thinking about you... We haven't seen each other since school started back up. I've been busy with University, of course. I was hoping we could get together sometime soon... Just the two of us?' Oh, god... I could feel my cheeks getting slightly flushed. I didn't want that at all! My thoughts were interrupted by a snort coming from Ryuji. I snapped my head up to look at him. There was a smirk on his face.

"The hell you getting all worked up about over there?" He jeered. I was hoping he hadn't been paying attention to me.

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to play dumb.

"You look all beside yourself... well, beside yourself for you at least," He explained with a shrug.

"It's nothing," I grumbled before shoving my phone back in my pocket. I would answer that later now that she knew I was alive. I cautiously took a bite of my food. It had cooled down a little, but it was still pretty hot.

"Alright, Akira. If you say so," Ryuji sighed and began eating his ramen as well.

Once we were done, I was left feeling almost uncomfortably full. It was very satisfying, and I knew I wasn't going to have to eat much else, if anything, later in the day. We left the shop and headed back to the train station.

"What're you up to tomorrow?" Ryuji asked casually, glancing at me as we walked.

"Why? Do you want to do something tomorrow, too?" I asked without answering his question. I loved spending time with Ryuji, but as I explained already, it was also somewhat torturous to be around him so much.

"W-well, I was actually wondering if I could stay over at your place tonight?" He asked somewhat sheepishly. I grinned softly to myself and nodded, keeping my eyes forward.

"Course you can," I told him without hesitation. Was that really a good idea? It only made it that much worse for me when he left...

"Sweet!" He shouted, excitement heavy in his voice. "We can play video games, or read mangas, or whatever!"

"You don't wanna go home?" I asked, not exactly trying to disuade him.. but maybe a little.

"Nah, man. It's Saturday! And it's fun hangin' out with you," He snorted matter of factly.

"It's fun hanging out with you, too, man," I agreed, my chest warming from his compliment. God dammit, why did I have to feel this way?

<<>>

The evening was fun. Morgana wasn't exactly thrilled that Ryuji was spending the night, but I didn't care obviously. We ended up playing games most of the night, but that was fine with me. We did sit next to each other on the couch for a little, our knees lightly touching, and page through some mangas while talking about random shit. That was probably my favorite part of the night...

As I flipped the page of the book I had resting in my lap, I noticed Ryuji stifle a yawn out of the corner of my eye. I lifted my head to look in his direction. "You getting tired?" I asked. My eyes were beginning to feel a bit blurry from exhaustion myself.

"Yeah, kinda, man...," He admitted and stretched his arms over his head. I had been enjoying sitting next to him, and I wasn't ready for it to be over. But all good things had to come to an end eventually.

"I'll get you a blanket and shit." I grinned at my friend before standing up. The spot where his knee was touching mine felt cold as soon as I moved away. I grabbed and extra blanket and pillow and set them down by the couch for him.

Eventually we both laid down for the night. Every time he stayed over I felt bad that he had to sleep on the couch, I doubted it was very comfortable, but he insisted it was fine. The first time he'd slept over in the attic I had made a joke about him sleeping in bed with me. "The couch is uncomfortable, you know... You could always just sleep next to me if you wanted. I don't mind," I'd told him, keeping my voice light and filled with laughter as I suggested it. He'd given me a wary expression and shook his head.

"Nah, man...," He'd said. "No offense, but that's kinda gay, ain't it?" I'd laughed and told him it was only gay if he made it that way. He didn't seem too amused, so I'd told him I was only joking. I never brought up him sleeping somewhere other than the couch after that night. I also was resigned to the fact that him sleeping in bed with me was forever going to be a dream of mine.

As I laid in bed on my back, staring up at the ceiling, I was left to think. I was very happy I'd been able to spend the day with Ryuji. It always made me happy. I would much rather hang out with him than Makoto... Shit! I'd never answered Makoto. I was surprised she hadn't ever texted again. I grabbed my phone and opened our conversation. 'I'm sure we could work that out sometime.' I sent. Why? Why did I insist on leading her on?

'Oh, great! Would tomorrow happen to work for you?" She responded quickly. Tomorrow...?

'No, sorry. I'm busy.' I replied vaguely. I didn't want to see her. Especially not one on one.

'Oh... okay. Some other time, then.' She replied. I decided to set my phone down and not even bother to apologize. The truth is, I'd lead her on when we were still in school together. I had no idea why. I shouldn't have. But I did. She clearly had a crush on me, and instead of tell her no and letting her know I wasn't interested, I played with her emotions. It was probably because of my feelings for Ryuji... I wanted to make myself feel better, make everybody else think that there was no way I could feel that way towards him. But it made me feel even more like shit about it in the end.

I sighed deeply and looked over in Ryuji's direction. I couldn't see shit between the darkness in the room and my lack of glasses, but I could make out his body shape. I longed for him to come into my bed. I longed for his affection and warmth. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath.

That was never going to happen... and I needed to accept that.


	2. July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! I hope you enjoy it!

Only one more week until summer break. I was looking forward to it, but not nearly as much as somebody I knew...

"Fuck yeah!" Ryuji shouted as he burst through the school doors. "One more god damn week!"

"Ryuji!" Ann snapped, glaring at him. "Do you always have to be so vulgar? There are people around!"

"Oh, shuddup!" He snapped, shifting away from her as we walked. I couldn't deny I enjoyed how he put all of his attention towards me when the three of us were together. I almost felt bad for Ann... Maybe if she weren't so whiney and judgmental, she would have a better shot with him. Still, I couldn't help but think maybe he was just trying to pretend he didn't like her.. I hoped not, but I had a nagging feeling I couldn't quite shake off.

We were headed to Shibuya, to the diner. It was a nice place for the three of us to hang out and get some simple food after class, so why not? We filed into the train, which was surprisingly busy. There were two open seats next to each other so I offered them to my friends. Ann looked pleased to be sitting next to Ryuji, and I almost immediately regretted giving her the seat. Ryuji sighed and crossed his arms, turning away from her slightly. I tried to pay attention to other people's conversations to get my mind off of it, but nobody was saying anything of interest. I didn't miss Ann's longing glances over at the man we both shared affections for every time I happened to peer over at them.

I felt better once we were off the train. As we headed for the back streets, I walked beside Ryuji, our shoulders nearly touching as we went. The streets were quite crowded, so we were trying to take up as little space as possible. It was so busy I couldn't help but wonder why would anybody want to be out in the unbearable heat of summer. "I'm so hungry, dude," Ryuji sighed. I smirked.

"Well, that's why we're going to the diner, is it not?" I retorted playfully. He shot me a scowl, but it was quickly replaced with a grin when he saw my light expression.

"Hey!" Ann whined, suddenly forcing herself between us. I scowled as she clutched tightly onto Ryuji's arm. "Don't leave me behind, guys!" He looked over at me, eye brows raised in disbelief, before glaring at her. Unwarranted jealousy shot through me as I watched her.

"The hell you doin'?" He growled as he shook his arm free of her grasp. "Let go a' me!"

"Ryuji!" She snapped. "There's lots of people around here and you guys were walking so far ahead! What if I got lost in the crowd!?" She exclaimed dramatically.

"Well... just, I dunno. Keep up!" He retorted with a snort. I couldn't help but feel relieved at his reaction to Ann's attempted affection towards him. Her expression faltered and we continued walking. It wasn't much farther. She kept up with us, and I moved over a bit so that she could walk more in between us. As much as I didn't want to, she was my friend... and it really wasn't _her_ fault that I was jealous to the point of getting annoyed with her. After all, we had the same tastes in men.

We came to the diner, which was pleasantly empty, and took our seats. Ryuji and Ann slid into a booth together, and I took a seat in the middle of the other booth. I wasn't sure why Ryuji had chosen to sit next to her, but I was trying to not let it bother me. When the time came I decided to simply order coffee. Truth be told, I wasn't very hungry. I guess my mind was too preoccupied.

I took a small sip of my coffee. It definitely wasn't anywhere near as good as Sojiro's, but it was okay. I looked across the table at my friends. Ryuji was rotated away from Ann in his seat, staring blankly ahead. Ann's eyes were tentatively fixed on him, her hands laying out on the table in front of her. I sighed quietly and couldn't help but grin at the fucked up situation as a whole. It was almost comical when you thought about it.

Ryuji's eyes shifted over to meet mine, his brown eyes soft, his cheek resting in his hand. I grinned at him, affection coursing through me so much I almost felt sick... I quickly averted my eyes, not wanting him to notice the look of love that my face may have given away. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he straightened in his seat before clearing his throat. I was really hoping he hadn't noticed... I stared down into my cup of black coffee until Ann broke the awkward silence.

"Soooo... what are you guys doing this summer?" She asked, her voice suddenly bright and cheery.

"I dunno," Ryuji began. "Akira and I talked a lil bit last week about doing something with everyone. But I don't know what the hell we could do." I looked up at Ann to see she looked like she was pondering something.

"Well, what about the beach?" She asked. I nearly laughed out loud. I exchanged amused glances with Ryuji before we both shook our heads. "What? Come on, it would be fun!" She pressed on, her brows furrowed.

"Yeah, fun for you, maybe," Ryuji snorted. "You just wanna go so that guys can fuckin' gawk over you!"

"Do not!" Ann snapped, scowling over at him. "It's weird and creepy!"

"Yeah, yeah... sure," Ryuji snickered, clearly finding amusement in how flustered she was getting.

"I just thought it would be fun for us all to go back...," She insisted. "Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"I'm not! Akira doesn't wanna go, either!" He turned his gaze to me sharply. "Right?" He raised his eye brows as he waited for an answer.

"Oh. No, not particularly," I admitted. Ann looked very disappointed when I spoke. She sighed and shook her head, looking away from both of us. Ryuji rolled his eyes. "We'll do something fun, Ann. Don't worry. Even if it's just getting together at Leblanc." That seemed to brighten her up a bit. She grinned at me and nodded.

"Okay. That would be just like old times, huh?" She smiled, probably reminiscing about last year at this time. My eyes shifted back to Ryuji to see he'd already been looking at me, a small grin on his face. But there was a hint of something that I could only place as sadness behind it. I frowned ever so slightly, feeling somewhat confused. He'd been acting a bit weird since we arrived at the diner.

Before I could really say anything else, their food arrived at the table. They both immediately dug in. There was something different about today. Something more solemn than normal. Ryuji definitely didn't seem nearly as happy as he had been on the trip to the diner; and Ann seemed more bothered by Ryuji giving her the cold shoulder than she usually did. I took a sip of my coffee, holding both my hands around the warm mug. It was so strange. I glanced at him as he ate his food silently. Even when he was eating, he was always talking. Maybe he was pissed off at me.

"Akira, have you talked to Makoto recently?" Ann asked lightheartedly, tearing me away from my troubled thoughts. Honestly, I was happy for the distraction, even if Makoto was the last thing I wanted to talk about.

"Yeah, I talked to her a little last week," I told her. Not that we'd had much of a conversation.

"Really? How is she?" She asked between bites.

"I'm not sure, honestly.. we didn't really talk about that. She said she wanted to hang out, but I've been pretty busy. So I haven't had the time yet," I explained, practically forcing each word out. Ann nodded, a sympathetic look forming on her face. I don't think her sympathy was for me, though.

"Damn, Akira," She cursed quietly. "For being so smart, you really are thick headed..." She frowned at me before going back to her food. I wasn't thick headed. I knew Makoto liked me, but I didn't care, and I didn't feel the same.

"Why?" I asked for my own amusement, trying to sound as offended as possible.

"God," Ann huffed. "You should just hang out with her, alright?"

"Jesus, Ann! Why are you ordering him around? If he don't wanna, he don't have to," Ryuji growled, glaring at her. I was taken aback by his sudden hostility.

"Oh come on, Ryuji. You're just _jealous_ ," She jeered, a sadistic smile on her face. He continued to glare over at her, but his face was beginning to turn red.

"W-what's that s'posed to mean? I am not!" He rebutted quickly. Ann laughed loudly.

"Look how red you're getting!" She continued to pick on him. "You so are!"

"No, I ain't!" He snapped, balling one of his hands into a fist. It wasn't difficult to get him fired up, that's for sure. I watched as my friends bickered, turning my head to watch each of them as they spoke like I was at a tennis match.

"Jeeze, Ryuji, I didn't realize you had a thing for Makoto!" She laughed again. She was smiling, looking pleased to be giving Ryuji so much grief. I could tell that by how forcibly happy her laugh was, however, that she was distressed. She was making a joke about it, but she was upset that it might actually be true.

"N-no, that ain't it at all!" He insisted angrily.

"He's just jealous he doesn't have a girlfriend," I interrupted her taunting. That had to be it, at least that's what I hoped. He was jealous that Makoto liked me, when he had nobody that liked him.. well, at least that he liked too. Ann's face fell.

"Hm." She glanced at him. "You sure about that?" She asked me, a devious grin forming on her lips once more. I suppressed my laughter, shaking my head.

"Yeah, pretty sure," I assured her, still grinning.

"Come on, Akira!" Ryuji groaned. "Not you too!" I smiled over at him, Ann stifling her laughter.

"Lighten up, Ryuji!" She poked at his arm. "We're just messing with you. I wouldn't have even said anything if you hadn't reacted so dramatically." She began eating her meal once more, picking at some french fries left on her plate.

"Yeah, yeah," Ryuji grumbled, rubbing his arm where she'd prodded. Something was definitely off about him today. After a few minutes, Ann left the table to use the restroom. I slid over so that I was directly across from my best friend.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked quietly, leaning in closer. He shifted his eyes up to look at me, his head hanging slightly. He had a tense, somewhat worried look on his face. As soon as I asked, however, his facial muscles relaxed into a more neutral expression.

"Nothin', man. Why?" He asked. I shrugged my shoulder, keeping my eyes on his.

"You seem a little down. It's not like you," I pried. He shook his head.

"She's bein' a bitch," He snapped, his brow furrowing once more. I widened my eyes momentarily, a small grin tugging on my lips.

"Well, that's a little harsh," I snickered. My heart began pounding. Why was he so upset by Ann's teasing? Maybe he _did_ have a thing for her and he was upset because she'd been making fun of him.

"It's the truth," He sighed, leaning back in his seat. He stared out into the open diner floor, a vacant look in his eyes. I wanted so badly to reach forward and grab his hand. I wanted to comfort him and make every bad emotion he was feeling go away. He looked so helpless... and I wasn't used to seeing him like that. Ryuji took a deep breath and spoke once more. "Akira, I've been thinking..." I stared at him intently as he fiddled his thumbs together. He opened his mouth like he was going to continue speaking when Ann returned and plopped back down into her seat. _Fuck!_

"I am stuffed!" She announced cheerily. "You guys ready to go?" I exchanged glances with Ryuji. He still looked troubled, almost sick or something...

"Yeah, I am," I said, feeling undoubtedly thrown off by the conversation we'd been having before she came back. What the hell was he about to say to me? "What are you doing now, Ann?" I asked, shaking my head to help clear it.

"I guess I should go home for the night." She yawned, covering her mouth with her hand as she did. "I'm pretty tired after eating, anyways." I nodded. "What about you, sour puss?" Ann nodded to Ryuji. He glared at her. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah, whatever," He grumbled. Ann looked at me with a kinda 'what the fuck is up with him' expression and held her hand up. I shrugged my shoulder, wishing I could know the answer to that myself. With that we filed out of the booth and left the diner.

Once we were outside, Ann decided she was going to head to the mall before going home to grab some sweets, of course. We said our goodbyes and Ryuji and I made our way towards the station.

"What about you, Ryuji?" I asked hesitantly once we were alone. "You wanna hang out longer?" I glanced over to see his eyes were peeled to the ground in front of him.

"Uhh, I think I'll pass tonight, dude. I'm just gonna head home," He replied, sounding abnormally subdued.

"Oh. Alright." I tried not to sound so taken aback, but I was bewildered by his behavior. I wasn't sure why he seemed fine until we reached the diner. What had happened in that time to make him act so strange? The whole time we walked I was thinking about our conversation when Ann had been in the bathroom. I didn't bring it up as we made our way through the station square; I wanted to give him time to say something about it. Soon we entered the underground and came to the spot where we would depart to our own train cars but he still hadn't said anything about it..

"Well, see ya," Ryuji said abruptly. I frowned as I watched my friend walk swiftly away. He wasn't getting away that easy!

"Hey, hold on- Ryuji!" I called. He stopped walking and turned around as I stepped forward to meet him.

"What's up?" He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"What were you gonna say back there?" I asked. He stared at me blankly, so I continued. "You know. Before Ann came back from the bathroom." A look of acknowledgment fell over his face.

"Oh..." He sounded disconcerted as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't remember, dude. It musta been nothin'," He dismissed my question. "I gotta go, man. I think my food was no good... feel like I could, uh, shit my pants or somethin'." I raised an eye brow, fighting the urge to smirk. "Anyways. See ya."

"Bye...," I said, feeling puzzled. With that he turned and started walking in the direction of the train he took. I watched him go for a few seconds before shaking my head and heading towards where I needed to be.

I walked by myself back to Leblanc, feeling more alone than I usually did. The day's events left me uneasy. I cared so much about that bastard, I didn't want him to be upset. I sighed and pulled my phone out. I had to say something. 'Dude, I hope everything is really alright with you.' I sent the text without a second thought. I put my phone away and continued my walk home.

As soon as I entered the attic, Morgana was there to greet me.

"Hey!" He mewed happily. "I'm glad you're back. I was so _bored_!" He stretched his front legs out in front of him. I grinned.

"Sorry, but I don't think I'm gonna leave you any more entertained." I rubbed the back of my neck and took a seat on my bed. He padded lightly over and jumped up beside me.

"Sure you will! Talking to you is better than sitting here in dead silence, staring at the dust bunnies roll by," He insisted, scratching himself behind his ear. "Did you have fun today?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, but Ryuji was acting weird," I explained with a sigh. I felt the need to vent a bit. Speaking of which... He never answered me. I grabbed my phone to make sure I hadn't just missed the vibration go off.

"Oh?" He asked. I nodded, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. "Well, I'm sure it was nothing you did, Akira.." I must have looked displeased for him to say that. I had confessed my feelings for Ryuji to Morgana a little while ago. I couldn't stand holding it in. I had to tell somebody... and who better to tell than my cat friend? He took it well- better than I'd expected. I still remember him saying 'Well, I really don't get what you see in him, but whatever makes you happy, Joker.'

"Yeah... I know Ryuji and I will never be anything more than friends. I know that... but, I still don't look forward to the day that he gets a girlfriend." I sighed, running my fingers through my messy hair. "I get so damn jealous, and I know I shouldn't..." I shook my head, feeling slightly ashamed.

"Yeah... I know the feeling...," Morgana muttered, sounding quite dejected.

"And he started fuckin' telling me some shit, he said that he'd been thinking about something, but right when he was about to tell me what it was, Ann came back from the bathroom," I blurted out quickly."So then I asked him what he meant later and he said he forgot! Bullshit he forgot!" I tried to act level headed and calm in front of everyone, but when I talked to Morgana about every thing- I was bluntly honest with my emotions.

"I'm sure everything will be fine, Akira," He assured me, sounding upbeat once more. "Give him a night to rest and get his thoughts together. Who knows! Ryuji is a _bonehead_ , after all. Maybe he did actually forget." I snorted with laughter and shook my head.

"I can tell he didn't forget. He was dodging the subject... it seemed like was dodging _me_ , actually." I let my shoulders slouch. "I texted him to make sure he's alright, but he still hasn't answered me."

"Hm...," Morgana pondered. "I know it won't make you feel better, but I think everything will work out. Just give it time. Sleep on it. See how things are tomorrow, ya know?" I nodded, feeling a tiny bit better for a second. He was right, though. No point in worrying about it when there was nothing I could do.

"Thanks," I said quietly with a grin.

"Anytime!" He purred. After a moment he let out a quick sigh. "But still, I _really_ don't see what you see in that bastard!" I couldn't help but laugh. Something told me that he never would.

<<>>

I ended up going to bed early that night, which was fine with Mona. It was a very restless sleep, but that had become quite common for me. I found myself checking my phone every half hour or so, just to make sure I hadn't missed Ryuji's message. The message never did come... I'm not sure when, but eventually I fell asleep.

<<>>

Ryuji never texted or called me the next day, either. I didn't want to bother him or piss him off, so I didn't attempt to contact him. It bugged me, though. It bugged me greatly. My mind was racing all day, trying to think of what could have gone wrong. I kept thinking, wondering if it was the stupid smile I'd given him. I'd let my guard down too much... I'd shown my true emotions towards him. Even if it was just for a split second, I knew he noticed. He noticed and he hated me for it.

 _Think rationally, Akira._ I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. _I'm a calm, collected guy... start acting like it._ It was true, I rarely ever lost my shit... or let it show, anyways. I realized that when I was around Ryuji, I was often losing my shit on the inside. I tried, and succeeded, to not let him or anyone see. 

It couldn't be healthy to hold so many emotions in... could it?


	3. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing these next two chapters. This one is kinda short, but the next one is pretty long. Hope you enjoy!

We were about two weeks into summer break, and so far I was having a pretty good time. I hadn't done much, but sometimes that was a good thing. I helped Sojiro around the cafe some of the days, and others I laid around playing video games. We still hadn't decided on anything fun to do with everybody, but I didn't mind. We would think of something eventually.

Ryuji was right back to his normal self the Monday after we went to the diner, and I was relieved. He told me he just hadn't been feeling well, but I didn't quite believe that. I didn't object, though, I was happy to have my friend acting himself again. I might have been overreacting a little bit, after all..

Today wasn't anything special, another day where I found myself sitting on the couch playing video games. I'd been really into one of the old fighters I'd picked up from the second hand shop, and I was getting pretty good at it. My phone buzzed beside me when I was in the middle of a match. I paused the game and checked my messages. It was Ann.

'Hey! I'm coming to pick Morgana up.' She messaged. Oh really?

"Morgana," I called over my shoulder.

"What's up?" He asked from his cozy spot on my bed.

"Ann's coming to pick you up?" I questioned, looking over at him. He perked up immediately.

"Oh, wonderful!" He exclaimed. "I'm going to go over to her place tonight. Try not to miss me too much." He looked quite pleased with himself. I laughed quietly and nodded before replying.

"Alright. Well, have fun." I wasn't even sure when they would have had the chance to talk about something like that without me hearing. I really didn't mind, though. He was stuck at Leblanc more often than not, so it would be nice for him to get out with somebody other than myself. I went back to playing my game.

It was less than five minutes later when I got another text. I sighed, wondering why Ann was texting me again, and paused my game once more before looking to see what she wanted. My stomach filled with warmth and butterflies when I saw that it wasn't actually her.

'Yo. What're you doin' today?' Ryuji texted.

'Nothing. Playing some games now. What's up?' I replied, staring at my phone in anticipation for his reply. It never took him long to answer.

'I'm bored. Wanna hang out? I don't got anything to do tomorrow, either, so I could stay over or whatever.' He answered. I couldn't help but smirk as I read the text over.

'Sounds good to me.' Send. I set my phone down just for it to buzz again.

'Sweet! I'll be over in an hour or two.' It was around three in the afternoon. I began playing my game once more, happiness welling in my chest. I was stupidly excited for him to arrive. It made me feel a little immature.. like a kid talking to their first crush.

"Works out, Mona," I told him over my shoulder. "Ryuji's coming over tonight. So you won't have to be here with him." I snickered. The two of them often butt heads.

" _Oooooh_ ," He jokingly cooed. "Don't get too frisky!" I laughed out loud at that. I wish.

"Yeah, don't think you have to worry about that happening," I assured him as I suppressed my laughter.

Eventually Ann arrived and picked Morgana up, who seemed almost as excited as me when I saw the person I so desired. I wasn't sure what their plans for the day were, but I didn't care. I could be alone with Ryuji... It was sometimes awkward having Morgana around, since he knew about my feelings for him. I'm sure it was in my head, but it just felt weird.

Not too long after Morgana left I heard familiar footsteps coming up the steps. I looked expectantly to see Ryuji standing at the top of the stairs, grinning in my direction, a backpack slung over his shoulder. "Hey, man," He greeted, letting his backpack fall to the ground by the couch where I was sitting.

"Hey," I greeted back, unable to take my eyes off of him as he took a seat on my spare chair. He looked so good... I tried to push the thought in the back of my mind, forcing my eyes to the ground while I composed myself.

"So this what you been doin' all day?" He nodded to the TV. I snorted with laughter and nodded.

"Pretty much. You wanna join in?" I offered.

"Hell yeah!" He didn't hesitate to grab my second controller. I grinned to myself and we began playing a round. Ryuji was really good at fighter games, actually. He did spend a fair amount of time at the arcade, and I could definitely tell. I would say it was pretty evenly matched, though. He beat me more often than not, but that was okay. I was still really enjoying it. We ended up playing for a long time.

I glanced over at him during what ended up being our last match to see him staring intently at the screen, his eyebrows slightly furrowed in concentration. I couldn't help but smile, and when I looked back at the screen, he was whooping my fucking ass.

"Ha! I fucked you up, dude!" He yelled happily. I laughed and nodded. I was a bit distracted, but I couldn't tell him that.

"You're way better than me at this shit," I admitted, a small smile seeming to be stuck on my face. He shrugged a shoulder.

"I don't know if I would say _way_ better, dude." He leaned back in his chair, letting the controller rest on his lap. He looked content as he took a deep breath. "Man, I'm so glad you never left, Akira," Ryuji suddenly said, grinning in my direction. 

"Yeah...," I began unsurely. "I am, too, believe me." My life would be so different. Before we knew I was going to stay we'd always said that we would remain friends no matter how far away I lived... but realistically I might have slowly lost contact with the one person I cared about the most.

"I, uh, woulda really missed ya," He continued lightheartedly before looking me directly in the eyes. His brown eyes burnt into mine and I felt like I could melt in my seat. I was a bit taken aback by the sudden shift in conversation.

"I would have missed you, too, Ryuji," I told him with an unsteady smile. Oh god, I could feel it coming again... that overwhelming feeling of affection. He didn't know how much he actually meant to me. "I woulda been lost without my best friend...," I kinda trailed off, folding my hands together.

"It's real nice, ya know? Bein' able to come over here and spend the day with you like this. I never had a friend like you, but you know that already. No need to get all sappy and shit," He laughed, crossing his arms loosely over his stomach. I nodded, still feeling lost in his eyes. _I can't do this._ I stood up and walked over to my bed, taking a seat. I needed to get away from him for a second, collect myself.

"Wanna read some manga or something?" I asked after a moment, looking at a stack sitting on my desk. He turned in his seat to look in my direction.

"Yeah, what you got?" He stood up and walked over to my desk. He looked through them quickly before settling with one. He handed another to me. "Read this one. It's really fuckin' good." I grinned and nodded, taking the small book from him. I decided to return to the seat on the couch since I had regained my clear thoughts. What harm could it do?

<<>>

A lot of harm, evidently. I couldn't even pay attention to what I was looking at. Ryuji was still sitting on the chair, looking down at his manga. My heart was pounding, and my palms were sweating. We had been reading and chatting for about an hour, and I was beginning to feel like I was going crazy. I was a stuttering, babbling mess.

Why the fuck had he brought that shit up about me leaving? If he hadn't done that I wouldn't feel like my chest was gonna explode! I stared at Ryuji, who was totally oblivious to my eyes being on him. I stared at him fondly, my stomach twisting with that familiar feeling I got when I even so much as thought about him. I couldn't stand it anymore... my emotions were so draining. Keeping them in was so exhausting. _I have to tell him._ I took a deep breath and set my manga down beside me.

"Hey...," I began awkwardly and tentatively, rubbing the back of my neck. Did I actually have the balls to do this?

"What's up?" Ryuji asked, raising an eye brow slightly once his eyes fell on me. I undoubtedly had a pained look on my face. Where do I begin? How to tell him?

"D-do you remember Valentine's Day?" I stammered, sounding much less confident than intended. I glanced up at him and my stomach lurched as soon as I realized what door I had just opened.. He nodded, already seeming confused as to why I was bringing it up.

"Yeah, dude. We were both left dateless," He sighed, leaning back in his chair, his legs spread apart. "Why?" I swallowed, contemplating if I actually wanted to say anything more.

"Yeah. You had fun with me, though, right?" I asked, trying to sound as lighthearted as I could, but I could hear my voice shaking. My palms were sweating, and I felt slightly dizzy. _Come on Akira, you can't hold it in forever._

"Well, of course!" He laughed obliviously. "I mean, I would have liked to have had someone to spend it with _romantically_ or whatever... but it was fun being with you, too," He explained, smiling over at me from his seat. My stomach fluttered from his smile... My courage was definitely faltering, but I was determined to tell him. _Here goes nothing._

"Yeah...," I began awkwardly, biting my lip. "Well, the truth is... I could have had a date with someone. But I _chose_ to spend my night with.. you." I looked at him to see he was staring at me, a dumbfounded look on his face.

"W-what'd you mean?" He stuttered out. It was far too late to go back now.

"You remember I made a joke? About taking your chocolate, and you got all pissy?" I snickered nervously. He continued to stare, a look of comprehension slowly overtaking him as the seconds rolled by. He nodded slowly. "Well, I wasn't.. joking.." I forced the words out of my mouth.

"Huh?" He murmured. His expression fell yet again, this time looking almost despondent. He knew what I meant. My heart sank. I wanted to hide under my covers and escape the situation, immediately regretting ever saying anything. I smirked with a snort and shook my head.

"I shouldn't have told you. Forget I said anything," I told him dismissively before standing from my seat to walk the few steps to my TV. I could put a movie on, try to salvage the remainder of the night I had with him. I was fucking embarrassed- mortified even.

"Akira... You're my best friend," Ryuji said quietly. I nodded curtly.

"Likewise." I tried not to sound bitter, but I'm sure I did. I sat on the couch, my back turned towards him. I didn't want to look at him. I was humiliated. But what did I expect would happen? I mindlessly switched through the channels on the TV, most of them only bringing up static. I shook my head, grabbed the only movie I had rented out, which I would need to pay a damn late fee on when I returned, and shoved it in the DVD player. There was an awkward silence buzzing through the room. "You can go home if you want."

"Nah, man. I don't wanna go home," He replied. There was a hint of emotion I couldn't quite place in his voice. Maybe disappointment? I began the movie and stood up, walking over to my bed. I sat down heavily and took my glasses off before rubbing my eyes. I placed them back on my face and looked forward at Ryuji. He was staring at the TV screen. _He hates me now..._ \

"Sorry I fucked tonight up," I apologized, feeling the need to say something but at the same time not wanting to sound like a total sorry fuck. He glanced over his shoulder, a sad look still on his face, and gave me the best grin he could muster.

"You didn't," He assured me before facing forward once more. I sighed and laid down on my bed, deciding it would be best to try and pay attention to the movie. I needed to forget about the awful mistake I had just made.

My eyes continuously wandered to Ryuji, since he was sitting in plain sight in front of me. Even from the angle I was seeing him, he looked so good. _I love you... it was foolish of me to think you might feel the same._ I swallowed and shifted my eyes back to the TV screen.

"Summer break is soon gonna be over," He sighed. "I ain't lookin' forward to goin' back one bit." He shook his head. I wasn't either.

"No. This summer sure has been different than last," I trailed off, playing with the fabric of my sheets between my fingers. Summer break was the last thing I wanted to talk about. I knew he was just trying to change the subject and make things less awkward.

"Yeah. Fuckin' right it was." Ryuji laughed, but it sounded very forced. I knew I had caused the room to be filled with tension. His foot began tapping against the wooden floor quickly. I decided to stay silent and watch the TV.

I wasn't sure how much time passed before he spoke again. Maybe fifteen minutes?

"Hey, uhh...," He began, turning in his chair slightly. He didn't look me in the eyes, though. "What did you mean?" He asked, his brow furrowing. "I know you said forget about it, but that shit's easier said than done, ya know?" He looked at me when he was finished talking, and I could visibly see him swallow. I smirked and shrugged.

"You know damn well what I meant," I said quietly. The corner of his mouth twitched and he shook his head. "What do you think I meant?" I asked after a few seconds of silence, trying to beat around the bush. He knew what I meant. I could tell by his reaction earlier.

"Come on, man!" He grumbled. "Be serious! You can't just say somethin' like that and expect me to leave it alone." I sighed and sat up.

"Fine. I like you," I stated bluntly. He gave me another dumbfounded look.

"Yeah? Well, I like you too, dude!" He retorted, clearly not understanding what I meant. I couldn't help but laugh.

"No, Ryuji. I _like_ you. Like more than a friend..." I shook my head and looked down at my hands. It was hard to say out loud.

"For real? I-I mean-" He babbled, gaping at me. I rubbed my forehead with my finger tips and shook my head. How exasperating... "You're gay!" He gasped, looking lost in thought. Oh my god..

"This is exactly why I didn't wanna fucking tell you!" I growled, feeling yet again humiliated. "I knew this was how it would turn out..."

"N-n-no!" Ryuji stuttered out quickly. "That came out wrong! I- uhhh..." He rubbed the back of his neck before he continued to spit out explanations for his actions. My stomach hurt. My stomach and my chest... I knew he would say no, that he wouldn't be happy about my confession. But still- there was a part of me that was hoping he would accept it with open arms.

"Ryuji!" I snapped, cutting him off from his babbling nonsense. He stared ahead at me, his eyes wide. "You don't have to say anything. It's fine. I wasn't expecting you to be happy about it. I just wanted to get it off my chest." I sighed, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees.

"Well, no, man. It's not like I'm _disgusted_ or anything, i-it's just... I dunno... _weird_ ," He admitted. I nodded, understanding how he could feel that way. "What about Makoto?" He asked, narrowing his eyes in disbelief.

"Dude, Makoto is into me, not the other way around." I shook my head at the thought. "It's kind of annoying, if we're being honest...," I mumbled.

"So, w-what is it you like about me, then?" He asked, his voice cracking slightly. I snorted with laughter and closed my eyes, covering my face with my hand momentarily. It was almost like he didn't believe me. I opened my eyes shortly after and let my hand fall to my side. I couldn't believe this was happening... what had I done?

"You really wanna know?" I asked. He nodded, intensity burning in his eyes as he stared at me. I paused for a few moments, debating how to word it. " _Everything_ ," I breathed bluntly. "You're a good guy. You're funny. You're good looking. And you are my best friend..." I sighed. "I hope this doesn't change that."

"Course not, man!" Ryuji burst out as soon as I stopped talking. "I mean... I was never expectin' you to tell me all this shit. But that ain't enough to make me think less of you," He assured me. I let out a sigh of relief and nodded. I looked at him once more and gave him a weak grin.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I wish I didn't feel this way." He finally looked me straight in the eyes, a soft expression on his face.

"Don't be sorry," He spoke quietly back. As I looked into his eyes, completely aware that he knew my true feeling for him, I began to feel my cheeks flush. I had to break our gaze. I turned my head and looked at the floor. Why was everything so fucking complicated?

We were both silent for a while, our eyes on the movie I'd put on, but neither of us paying attention. I yawned, feeling tired despite my adrenaline still pumping a bit.

"So- uhh...," Ryuji began hesitantly. "When did you, uh, know that you... ya know... _liked_ me?" He asked quietly, glancing at me as he spoke. I shook my head to myself and sighed.

"I don't even remember," I grumbled. That was a lie. I started developing those feelings for him after we defeated Madarame's palace. Or at least that's when I acknowledged them. It didn't take long... Ryuji and I became close really fast. "Why do you care anyways?" I asked.

"I was just curious," He replied, turning away once more to face the TV. As much as I had tried to save the night, I didn't think it was salvageable. Shit was too awkward.

After the movie was over Ryuji went downstairs to change his pants into something more comfortable. I did the same thing while he was gone and crawled into my bed. I buried my face in my hands and groaned loudly. I was so frustrated. With myself, with Ryuji, with everything... I'd told him hoping that it would make me feel better, give me a little relief. But it did just the opposite. I felt awful. I felt like I'd ruined everything.

It didn't take long for him to come back. I tossed him an extra pillow and blanket for the couch. He laid down and I heard him sigh. "Good night, Akira," He said after about a minute or two of silence. I couldn't help but grin at that.

"Night." I closed my eyes and tried to forget about the horrible scene that had unfolded hours earlier.


	4. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't resist putting the chapters up quickly. I had a crappy day, and this makes me feel better, so why not? I hope you enjoy it. I think there are three more chapters after this one. I finished writing, just gotta proof read and all that stuff. :)

It had been about a week and a half since I confessed my attraction to Ryuji, and we hadn't hung out since. He had been acting weird, though. For a couple days after that night, he didn't text me at all. I was expecting that. I didn't think he would ever text me or call me again, actually. But then, one night when I was half asleep, he texted me.

'Hey.' It said. I blinked against the bright screen, groggy and confused as to why he would only text me _hey_. 'Haven't seen you for a while. Wanna hang out?'

'Ryuji, it's two in the morning...' I typed back, shaking my head. I couldn't deny my heart was beating in my chest.

'I meant tomorrow!' Oh, that made more sense...

'Yeah, sure.' I replied, and it was quickly answered.

'Is Morgana going to be there?' Why was he asking that?

'Well, yeah... why?' I asked. Morgana was always here.

'Oh, shit. I forgot. Tomorrow doesn't work... I have somewhere to be.' How odd. 'Sorry for bothering you. Night.' He ended the conversation abruptly. I was left feeling genuinely confused that night. It was hard to fall back to sleep.

That wasn't the only time that happened, either. He texted me a few times after that asking if he could come over. I would say yes, of course.. but then he would ask if Morgana was around. Every time I told him yes, he would say something came up. It was strange, but I figured he wanted to talk more about my confession. Why he couldn't do that over text, I had no idea. I decided not to push him into telling me what the hell his problem was. I cared about him too much, and I knew our friendship was already on thin ice.

It didn't take long for me to end up caving to Morgana. I had to tell him about my troubles. Holding them in for a long period of time never seemed to do me any good. It just slowly drove me insane.

"Mona...," I called his name one evening as I sat on my bed. He was seated on the table across the room, lazily watching my TV. He lifted his head, his blue eyes staring at me from his seat.

"What's up?" He asked, jumping down onto the floor lightly. He padded over and hopped up next to me.

"I... did something stupid," I began with a small sigh. He cocked his head to the side, eyes still remaining on me. His ears twitched back in realization.

"Uh-oh... what did you do?" He groaned, as if already knowing. I shook my head and swallowed.

"I told Ryuji everything!" I blurted out, clasping my hands together tightly. His eyes widened briefly.

"Seriously?" He asked, sounding slightly astounded. I nodded curtly. "Wow, Joker...," He trailed off.

"It was that night you stayed over at Ann's," I admitted, replaying the memory in my head as I spoke about it.

"Hm," He huffed. "Wait, is that why you were acting so mopey when I got back?" I simply nodded, still feeling humiliated with the whole situation. He narrowed his eyes. "So. How did he take it?" I took a deep breath.

"I don't even know. He seemed kinda _sad_ , actually," I recollected. "But at the same time he was asking me a bunch of questions about it."

"Well, _yeah_!" Morgana spat. "If one of your best friends suddenly confessed their love to you, wouldn't you be a little curious, too?" I was surprised he was seemingly understanding of how Ryuji might feel. It wasn't like him to take his side. I nodded.

"Yeah.." I looked down at my feet. "He's been acting weird now."

"That's normal, though," He assured me. "Give it some time. I'm sure he'll calm down about it. You're the only one he has, after all." The only one he has...? I guess Morgana was correct. Sure, Ryuji had Ann and the others.. but we were best friends. We were definitely the closest of the bunch.

"Thanks, Morgana," I breathed a sigh of relief. "Talking to you.. always helps." He held his high, looking pleased.

"Anytime! That's what I'm here for," He reminded me. I could hear the smile in his voice. I grinned over at him with a nod. Sometimes I wondered what would I do without him.

<<>>

Finally, one evening Morgana and I worked together to try and convince Ann to let him stay the night. Mona was a bit curious as to why I wanted him out for the night, but I decided to pretend it was nothing. I would tell him at a later time, once I figured out what Ryuji wanted. Once I was by myself I texted him and let him know. 'Hey. The attic is empty tonight. You wanna head over?' I asked. It was around eight at night, and the cafe was closed.

'What do you mean it's empty?' He replied. I rolled my eyes and snorted with laughter at his density.

'Morgana is gone for the night. It's only me here...' I sent my text quickly.

'Oooooh! Yeah, I'll be over soon.' I grinned to myself as I read the text, something I found myself doing frequently. I placed my phone down and took a deep breath. I was anxious to see what he wanted to talk about so bad.

I decided it would be best to wait downstairs for him. I made sure to unlock the front door so he could let himself in. I sat in one of the booths, tapping my hands against the table restlessly, the TV playing quietly in the background. I had that oh so familiar feeling of excitement and nervousness brewing in the pit of my stomach. He always managed to make me feel that way.

I couldn't keep myself from hoping Ryuji would come in and tell me he was wrong about his initial thoughts on my confession. I always tried to keep those optimistic feelings buried in the back of my mind. If you were never expecting the best then it wouldn't hurt when the best never happened, right?

I glanced at my phone for the time. About a half an hour had managed to slowly pass with me sitting in the booth by myself. Ryuji would arrive shortly. My stomach fluttered at the thought of what was to come. As if on que, the front door creaked open. I shifted my eyes over to see him standing in the doorway, a nervous look on his face. I grinned at my friend.

"Hey," I greeted as he walked over, his body movements stiff.

"What's up?" He greeted in return, rubbing the back of his neck. He was acting odd already, and definitely didn't sound like his usual self... I stood up from my seat and walked casually over to the front door. I turned the lock and glanced over my shoulder to see Ryuji standing there, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, his eyes remaining fixed on the ground. I snorted with laughter and turned around to walk back towards him.

"Wanna go up? Play a game or something?" I asked once beside him, resting my hands in my pockets as well. I felt awkward- but only because of how up tight he was. He nodded, shifting his eyes in my direction for a second.

"Yeah, that would be cool," He mumbled. I shrugged off his bizarre behavior and lead the way up the stairs.

"So, why did you want to come over without Morgana being around?" I asked tentatively once we were both in the attic. I looked over my shoulder to see him standing a few feet away from me, his shoulders hunched, head hanging slightly. I narrowed my eyes and turned to face him.

"Akira, I...," He began, swallowing hard. He looked up into my eyes, anxiety clear on his face. Something was bothering the shit out of him. _Have I fucked everything up?_ Genuine concern shot through me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, taking a step towards him. He kept his gaze on me steady, his eyes softening a bit as I got closer. He took a deep, slow breath before taking a step closer to me as well. My heart was thumping in my chest; my palms embarrassingly sweaty. "Ryuji...?" I asked slowly.

"That day- at the diner... I, uh.. I-I never finished telling you that thing that was on my mind," He murmured, my heart jumping at his words. Why was he finally bringing that up?

"What is it?" I asked softly, stepping closer yet again. His brown eyes were filled with worry and apprehension as he looked into mine...

Before I could say another word Ryuji took my head in his hands and pulled me forward, closing the gap between us. His body pressed against mine and our lips connected. My back smacked against the wall as he forced me to stumble backwards. I couldn't even process what was happening. I could hardly even take a second to think about how quickly the situation had escalated. My mind was racing. His hips were pressing into mine, his hands moving down to my shoulders, his grip tightening. I kissed him back. Of course I kissed him back. I had been wanting this for the past year.. So badly. His tongue slid roughly into my mouth, catching me off guard. I couldn't help but smile into the kiss, going along with the lustful flow. I couldn't deny I was already getting turned on. So I have no idea why I uttered the phrase "What are you doing?" through kisses. To my dismay he pulled back, a troubled look in his eyes. His hands fell to his sides. He sighed and let his forehead fall against my chest.

"I don't even know, man," He admitted.

"Ryuji...," I whispered, not wanting him to let go of me. I ran my hands up his back and gripped onto his shirt, holding onto him tightly.To my surprise, he wrapped both his arms around my waist in return. I thought for sure he would pull away, realize he'd made a mistake.

"I-I," He began, his voice shaking. He lifted his head to hide his face in the crook of my neck. "You wanted this right?" I frowned slightly. Of course...

"Well, yeah..." I said hesitantly. Was he forcing himself to do this for my sake?

"Honestly, Akira." He took a deep breath. "I think I've wanted this for a long time." My heart nearly skipped a beat when he said that. Was I fucking dreaming? "B-back at the diner... I'd wanted to tell you that I'd been thinking about you... in _that_ way," He confessed. "I was too much of a fuckin' pussy, though..."

"Really?" I breathed, staring ahead at the wall on the opposite side of the room. There was so much I wanted to say, yet my mouth refused to form any words My stomach twisted so badly, I felt like I could have vomited from my excitement. I felt him nod. His breath was warm against my skin, and I noticed that his body was still tense. I let out a deep sigh and ran my hands down his back. My fingers traced along the bottom seam of his shirt. I hesitated before pulling him securely against me. I closed my eyes, instantly afraid I would open them to find I was only imagining everything.

I was aware that Ryuji was clutching onto my shirt as he held tightly onto me. Maybe he had the same fears as me? "I don't really know what to do next," he admitted, his voice shaking. I couldn't help but smile. What was there to do really?

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly. There was a long pause, neither of us moving a muscle. Then he finally pulled away from me just enough to look at me. His cheeks were flushed, a concerned look on his face.

"Is it weird that I feel this way?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing. "Cause I feel a little fuckin' weird!" He laughed awkwardly and I couldn't help but laugh as well. He was so uncomfortable.

"It's not weird, man," I assured him. He grinned sheepishly at me and nodded. I was surprised when he leaned forward once more until our lips met. I was trying to refrain myself from doing anything hasty. I didn't want to freak him out, but at the same time I had so much pent up sexual frustration towards him it was almost too much to handle.

I moved my hand up to the back of his head, lightly gripping onto his hair, as our kiss intensified. For lack of experience with girls, so he claims, Ryuji sure was a good kisser. His teeth grazed against my bottom lip as he pulled away ever so slightly. I opened my eyes, our foreheads resting against each other's, to look into his brown eyes. I smiled and we began kissing again.

I was undoubtedly getting turned on once more, but by no means was I expecting anything. I wasn't that much of a bastard. Ryuji's tongue slid into my mouth and he pressed my shoulders roughly against the wall. He was so sexy... Everything was happening so fast, it was practically too much mental and physical stimulation for me. I gripped tightly onto the collar of his shirt, fantasizing about undressing him... I was beginning to feel lost as we fervently made out. I leaned deeper into his kiss, running my hands down his body until I gripped onto his ass. He gasped and I swiftly pulled back, letting my hands drop, eyes wide.

"S-sorry. I don't know what came over me," I stuttered out. He shook his head, a smile forming once more.

"No, it's fine." Without skipping a beat he pulled me forward and our lips connected again. Our movements were fluent with one another's. It felt so right. I could have easily taken it a step farther with him if he were to allow it. Ryuji's hands ran up my chest and came to rest on both sides of my jaw, keeping my head in place. Maybe I could oh so subtly started moving towards my bed....

And I did just that. We ended up laying on my bed, me on top of Ryuji, still making out. His hands gripped tightly onto the sides of my shirt, pinching my skin lightly as he did. I smiled as we kissed, and I soon felt him do the same. He let out a small snicker and pulled back momentarily. I moved my mouth down to his neck, where I gently kissed his soft skin. I loved him. I loved him so much and I was finally able to act on it.

"That feels good...," He breathed, shivering as goosebumps rose over his skin. I pulled back so that I could look at him. I moved my hand to his cheek, gently rubbing my thumb over his skin. He smiled up at me softly, and I couldn't resist leaning down for another kiss.

I felt his hands slip under my shirt, his nails lightly grazing over the bare skin on my back. I can't even explain the feeling of immense bliss that came over me. I'd waited so long. I couldn't believe it was finally happening.

All good things have to come to an end eventually, however. After a bit more fun, I decided to lay down next to him. Ryuji was on his back, staring up at my ceiling. His hands were resting on his stomach. We laid there for a little while, neither of us speaking, each soaking in what had just happened. "Sorry...," He suddenly muttered. I frowned in confusion.

"For what?" I asked, my heart pounding yet again. What could he be sorry for? He sighed heavily and shook his head.

"Nothin', it's embarrassing...," He whispered at an almost inaudible level.

"Ryuji!" I snapped sternly. No way was I gonna let him say that shit without explaining.

"Well...," He began. "I- uuh. I-I couldn't get it up...," He muttered, his face flushing once more. After a moment comprehending the words that had just come out of his mouth, I stifled my laughter to the best of my ability. I ended up failing, though. "Hey!" He retorted. "What's so fucking funny?" He was scowling over at me as I laughed.

"That's the first thing you're gonna say to me after we just spent the last fifteen minutes with our tongues down each other's throats?" I asked rhetorically, trying to get a hold of myself. He sunk down lower into my bed at my comment. "It's fine, Ryuji," I snickered.

"Yeah, well. You didn't seem to have the same problem!" He snapped, crossing his arms.

"So, what? Is this your way of trying to tell me that it was all just an act?" I questioned lightheartedly.

"What? N-n-no!" He stuttered defensively. "It's just, er... performance anxiety," He sighed, rubbing his eyes. "It's fuckin embarrassing..." Before I could stop myself, I was laughing again. It was so adorable. "Why're you laughing!" He snapped.

"Because!" I snorted, smiling over at him. "I wasn't expecting you to be so self conscious. I'm just glad that we did what we did..." He looked over at me unsurely.

"Really?" He asked skeptically. I nodded.

"Dude, I have had a crush on you for a long fucking time," I told him, no longer feeling the need to hide anything. With that remark, he cast me a small smile. "I never thought you would feel the same way. Especially after I first told you I liked you."

"Well, when we first met I never thought I would like you like I do either." Ryuji rolled over so that he was facing me, a crooked grin still planted on his face. I couldn't help but reach forward to grab his hand.

"Please tell me I'm not dreaming...," I whispered with a laugh.

"You're not, dude," He snickered, shaking his head slightly.

"Honestly. I thought you were into Ann," I admitted sheepishly. He raised an eye brow.

"Nah, man, not at all. If anything, I think she's secretly into me." He rolled his eyes, and I was relieved to hear it. "But, then again, who can blame her, riiiight?" I snickered and nodded.

"I definitely can't.. and I wouldn't exactly call it a secret. I see the way she looks at you, dude," I explained. He narrowed his eyes, looking lost in thought for a moment.

"Well, I never had any sort of thing for her," He snorted. After a moment he cast me a sheepish grin. "Honestly, Akira... I liked you ever since I thought you were gonna move. Well- I acknowledged it then... who knows how long that shit was brewing in my mind before then. But I thought about what it would be like without ya. I tried to deny it, even then. But I can't anymore. And I don't _want_ to anymore." He took a deep breath, gazing intently into my eyes. My brow furrowed softly.

"Well then why did you react like you did when I confessed my feelings for you?" I asked quietly. He shrugged a shoulder.

"I dunno.. I guess I was still trying to run from it," He admitted. "I should have just told you at the diner..." There was a pause before a genuine, soft smile spread across his face. "I'm so fuckin' glad you didn't move back." I returned his smile and nodded.

"Me too." I didn't know what else to say. It was the truth. If I'd moved back this would never have happened. We would both be left to think about what might have happened, what we wished would have happened. But instead, there I laid, next to the one person I'd been yearning to get closer to. I didn't know what time it was, but I was guessing it was getting late. I didn't want him to leave. I wasn't ready for the night to end. "So.. it's kinda late. Did you just wanna spend the night here?" I asked after moments of silence, running my thumb gently over his skin. To my relief he nodded without hesitation.

"I thought that was a given, dude," He replied happily, sitting up. I wanted so badly to tell him that I fucking loved him, that I wanted to be with him and spend my days after we graduated together. But instead I asked;

"You want some pants to wear?"

"Yeah, that'd be cool," He replied nochalantly. I nodded before scooting off my bed. I grabbed out a pair of pajama pants for each of us. When I turned to hand them to him, he was sitting on my bed without a shirt on. I couldn't help but stare briefly before handing him the pants. "Thanks." He cast me a smile before standing and beginning to undress. I was surprised he'd changed in front of me.. I mean, it really wasn't a big deal. Even if we were just friends, seeing somebody in their boxers wasn't anything crazy.

I soon followed suit and changed out of my jeans, deciding I would sleep shirtless as well. It was summer after all, so we would be more comfortable sleeping without them. I walked over to my TV and put a new DVD I had rented in the player before returning to my bed. We both laid in bed together, giggling like stupid little fucking school girls as we cautiously touched each other's bare skin. Neither of us were paying attention to the movie. I'd only put it on for some light and quiet noise.

I ran my hand across Ryuji's stomach, causing his skin to twitch. I grinned as I continued to trace my fingers up over his chest. I wanted to touch him... "You're really handsome, you know that?" I told him softly. He cast me a sheepish grin, averting his eyes from mine.

"Nahhh," He objected, rubbing the back of his neck. He was obviously nervous and not used to being complimented.

"And why not?" I pried, a small grin on my face.

"I dunno, man.." He sighed, looking at me again. "I'm just- not. I'm loud, awkward and outspoken... I'm not like, I dunno, _you_..." The corner of his mouth twitched and he reached forward to brush a piece of hair hanging down in front of my eyes over. I couldn't help but snicker.

"But I _like_ that you're loud, awkward and outspoken. It makes you different from most of the brainwashed people in the world," I insisted. He looked lost in thought for a couple seconds before I could resist leaning forward until our lips met. When we parted, Ryuji's face was red again.

"How do you do that?" He growled. I raised an eye brow.

"Do what?" I snorted, keeping my eyes on him, studying every little change in his expression. Ryuji was like an open book of sorts in that manner. He was very easy to read... though, I guess I hadn't been doing an entirely good job with that the past couple months.

"Make everythin' seem so fuckin' easy," He breathed.

" _Seem_ is the key word there," I replied. "Fake it til you make it. Ever heard the expression?" He nodded with a snort before turning so that his back was facing me. He scooted back against me, turning his head over his shoulder to press his face into mine momentarily. I was a little taken aback by the open affection he was giving me, but it was more than welcome.

I draped my arm over his stomach, holding him tightly against me. It was kinda hot in the attic, but I didn't want to waste that moment. There was a comfortable silence, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I leaned forward and gently kissed his cheek, causing a huge smile to spread over his face.

"You make me real happy, Akira...," He admitted quietly. My stomach fluttered at his words, my whole body warming.

"Well then the feeling is mutual," I whispered, taking his hand in mine.

As the night went on, my eye lids began to feel heavy. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so relaxed laying in my bed. Even though he caused my heart to pound and my hands to sweat like nobdy ever had, being next to him that night was quite tranquil. I laid there, lazily playing with his hair between my fingers, my breathing slowing. I'm not sure when but eventually we fell asleep right next to each other. It was a restless sleep. I continuously woke up throughout the night, always somewhat surprised that Ryuji was still next to me. It wasn't a dream... 

My eyes opened at one point in the night with a slight start. My back was sweaty and sticking to my sheets. I sat up and rubbed my eyes quickly before gazing over beside me. Ryuji was sleeping with his back towards me, his breathing slow and deep. I sighed heavily and sunk back down into bed, turning and cuddling up against him. I buried my face in the back of his neck, wrapping my arm around his body once more. Even though it was hot, I wanted to stay close to him. I was also worried I would never get to do this again.

<<>>

The next morning I woke up as soon as I felt a shift in the bed. I blinked groggily and looked to see Ryuji sitting on the edge of my bed, stretching his arms above his head. For whatever reason, my heart was pounding. I sat up and grabbed my glasses, putting them on so that I could see clearly. He looked over his shoulder and cast me a crooked, slightly troubled grin. "Hey," He greeted, his voice still heavy with sleep.

"Morning," I replied, scooting off my bed. I was immediately aware that my bladder felt like it was about to explode. I walked over to my collection of clothes and grabbed a fresh shirt before slipping it over my head. "I have to take a piss," I announced before hastily heading down the steps.

Once downstairs, I looked over to see Sojiro standing by the coffee pots, preparing the morning's brews. He glanced over at me. "Good morning, Akira," He greeted.

"Hey!" I walked swiftly to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I took my piss and splashed some cool water on my face before checking myself in the mirror. I didn't look too awful for just waking up... Once I was content, I headed back to my room.

To my dismay, Ryuji had gotten dressed in my time away. His pants were back on, and he even had his shoes on. "Got somewhere to be?" I asked lightheartedly. He grinned at me and shrugged.

"No, not really. I just figured I should go home. My mom might suspect I'm doin' somethin' shady or some shit," He explained with a sigh. I laughed and nodded.

"You heading out now?" I asked, even though every fiber of my being wanted to scream for him to stay just a little longer.

"Yeah, I guess." He rubbed the nape of his neck before standing up. "Well, uhh. I-I had fun last night," He mumbled, averting his gaze. I grinned to myself. He was so fucking adorably awkward! I stepped closer to him.

"Yeah, I did too," I said softly. "Do you want to do it again sometime?" I asked, feeling hopeful. He looked at me and nodded, a sheepish expression sticking on his face. After another moment of gazing at each other, Ryuji stood up from his seat with a deep sigh. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"I'll see you soon, then." He very tentatively and stiffly reached his hand forward to give my shoulder a pat. A small frown formed on my face, feeling a bit dumbfounded by his behavior. He had been so affectionate the night earlier. What was with the sudden shift?

"Uuh, yeah... alright...," I sputtered with a hint of bitterness in my voice. Without a second glance or another touch, Ryuji walked down the steps. I was left standing in the middle of the attic, feeling utterly confused and hurt. I crossed my arms and sighed. Was this what a one night stand felt like but without sex?

I turned my head to look at where Ryuji had been sleeping only minutes earlier. Why had he acted like that? I drug my feet as I walked to my bed and sat down heavily. After a few seconds I fell to my side, burying my face in the pillow he'd been using. It smelled like him. I closed my eyes and for a split second I was taken back to the night before. His faint smell of sweat and cologne. His surprisingly soft hands resting on my back. I groaned out loud and rolled over so that I was on my back. Where had it gone wrong?

I laid in bed, wallowing in my misery, for a long time before Morgana arrived home. He seemed to be in high spirits, but he noticed immediately how down I was. "What's wrong?" He asked almost as soon as he looked at me. "Did you and Ryuji have a fight or something?"

"What? No," I snorted, sitting up so I didn't look quite so pathetic. Of course he would jump right to that.

"Oh...," He said skeptically, narrowing his blue eyes. "Well, what did you end up doing last night without me?"

"Nothing much," I lied. I wasn't ready to tell Morgana what had happened between us. "We played games and shit. Nothing exciting." I scratched my head, trying to act as normal as possible.

"Oh, I get it... you're just upset about never being with him, again," He sighed, taking a seat next to me. I shrugged a shoulder. "Was he at least acting like himself again?"

"Yeah, kinda...," I muttered. It was then that I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. My heart jumped at the feeling, hoping that it was Ryuji texting me. But what would he say? "So- uh. Did you have fun?" I asked, trying to shake the feeling off.

"Yeah!" Morgana exclaimed happily. "I had so much fun, I might have to move in with Lady Ann instead of you!" He teased. I grinned down at my cat friend and he laughed. I was trying to hide the fact that I was anxiously awaiting a moment that I could check my phone. He seemed pretty content to be talking to me, though, so it would make me feel bad to just cut him off.

After a little while of shooting the shit with Morgana, he decided to take a little nap. He curled up in the middle of my bed, and I moved to sit on the couch. I breathed a small sigh of relief and opened my phone to check my texts since Morgana was no longer right up against me. It was from Ryuji, but I already knew that. 'So. What the fuck are we gonna tell everyone?' I stared at the text, still feeling confused. But shit... I had given it a very small amount of thought, but not enough to actually be serious.

'Nothing for now, I guess.' I replied. It didn't take long for him to respond.

'I know it didn't seem like it when I left, man, but..' There was a pause and I frowned at my screen in anticipation. 'I really like you. I don't really know how to express it as openly as I'd hoped, ya know? I hope you can understand that at least a lil bit.' My stomach twisted as I read the message. Maybe that's why he had acted like a dumb ass right before he left.

'Yeah, I get it.' I glanced up to look cautiously at the sleeping Morgana.

'Akira, what are we?' He asked. Damn, I wasn't expecting that question so soon...

'I don't know, Ryuji.' I wanted to be with him. I didn't want to rush things and scare him off, though. 'You wanna see me again like that, right?' My heart pounded as I waited for his reply.

'Yeah, dude, I told you that.' Relief washed over me.

'Well then let's see how shit goes for a while.' I replied, though my mind felt conflicted. I didn't actually want to wait and see. I wanted him to be _mine_.

'Alright.' I stared at my phone, a slight frown on my face. I took a deep breath and shoved it in my pocket, rubbing my eyes. How stressful... I was incredibly happy about what had happened the night before, but at the same time I was pretty worried. Like he would wake up tomorrow, having had plenty of time to think about shit, and decide he didn't mean any of it... I was worried he would decide it was a huge mistake... My phone went off again. It was Ryuji. My heart fluttered as I opened the conversation back up. 'Honestly, I kinda wanted to be something...' I raised my eye brows as I read the text over repeatedly.

'Something as in...?' I replied, a small smirk forming on my lips. I could picture the aggravation on his face perfectly.

'Something official with you?' I snickered before typing my reply.

'Not sure I understand.. We should prolly just talk about it in person.' I decided to toy with him. Plus I wanted him to have some time to think things over before making such a big decision. The last thing I wanted was for him to say he wanted to be with me only later say he didn't.

'Jesus, dude! Are you fucking with me?' He replied, which was quickly followed by, 'Alright, alright...' I assumed he knew the answer. I smirked to myself and set my phone down. So much shit happened in the past forty eight hours, it was almost dizzying. I felt like I needed the night to process everything so I couldn't even imagine how Ryuji felt. Still- my stomach tingled every time I thought about the evening earlier. I couldn't wait to do the same thing with him again.

<<>>

That night I laid in bed, my mind feeling extremely jumbled. Morgana was fast asleep next to me, his paws twitching as he dreamt, but I couldn't settle enough to close my eyes. Every time I thought about Ryuji now I could hardly keep the smile off my face. I found myself reading over our text conversation from earlier. It made me realize I sure ended it somewhat dismissively... I began typing a new message out. The last thing I wanted to do was fuck up whatever we had going before it even really had a chance to begin. 'Did you wanna meet up tomorrow... talk about it?' I looked at my screen for a few seconds before hitting send. I wasn't sure if he would be awake now or not, but that was okay. Surprisingly, it didn't take long for him to answer.

'Works for me, man. You want me to go there?'

'Yup. See you then.' I grinned to myself as I sent my message, thoughts of what tomorrow might bring racing through my head.

'Night, Akira.' Ryuji messaged back shortly after. I set my phone down and let out a deep breath. My heart was pounding in my chest. Apparently he got me more worked up than I thought.

With a lot of restless turning in my bed, I eventually fell asleep.


	5. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! I've been thinking about writing this in Ryuji's point of view as well, or at least some of the chapters... let me know what you think about that, and maybe I will :)

The next morning I awoke with excitement already in the pit of my stomach. I was so used to waking up with the same mindset every day, but that day was totally different. I woke up with the realization of what had happened the previous two days. _Ryuji..._ He was always on my mind first thing in the morning. But that morning was different. When I thought about him, happiness welled in my chest. True happiness.. not the kind of happiness that left you with a dull, achy pain; like a sentimental memory that you wished you could relive. It made you happy to think about, but sad that you would never get to enjoy it. That was how I felt about Ryuji up until two days earlier.

I sat at the cafe bar, a cup of coffee in my hand, mindlessly watching Sojiro prepare a plate of curry. There were no customers in the cafe, so I wasn't sure who he was making it for. Morgana sat in the seat next to me, cautiously peering over the counter at Sojiro.

"Man... I wish I could eat some of that curry...," He whispered longingly. I cast him a crooked grin. Unfortunately for him, curry would hurt his cat belly. But that didn't make it smell any less appealing to him.

Once I finished my cup of coffee and chatted with Sojiro for a bit, Morgana and I headed back upstairs. I sat down in my wooden chair and turned on my video game console. I could play for a while. At that time it was around eleven in the morning, and I was beginning to feel antsy for Ryuji to text me. My phone was resting in my lap so that I would feel it go off, and up to then I'd gotten nothing.

I glanced up at Morgana, who was sitting on the couch, happily watching me play. I felt guilty for not telling him about what had happened between Ryuji and I. He would be supportive and happy for me... right? There was no need to hide it from him.

"Hey, Morgana...," I began hesitantly, pausing my game. His head turned to look at me, his ears pricked. His eyes narrowed as soon as he saw my face.

"What's wrong?" He asked, a hint of suspicion behind his voice.

"What? Nothing," I assured him quickly. "You remember when you went over to Ann's two nights ago?" I asked. He nodded, looking confused.

"Yeah. What about it?" He asked in return, curling his tail over his paws.

"Well, Ryuji ended up coming over," I told him awkwardly. At that point a smile was creeping onto my face. Morgana must have noticed, because he let out a small snicker.

"And...?" He pried, though I had a feeling he already had an idea of what I was about to say.

"Well, he'd been acting really weird before, as you know... and when he got here he was still acting weird," I recollected. "But somehow, we kinda ended up... kissing...," I admitted, glancing over at him as I spoke.

"Seriously?" He asked, his mouth gaping slightly. "Well then why the hell were you all sad when I got home?" He hissed. I snorted.

"Because he acted like a jack ass right before he left," I sighed with a shrug. Morgana shook his head, his ears flicking back.

"So he likes you too?" He asked, sounding slightly astounded. I nodded.

"Yeah, that's what he says...," I said quietly. It was still so insane to say out loud.

"Damn, Akira," Morgana breathed, looking lost in thought momentarily. "Well, that's great, right? You're happy?"

"Yeah, I am...," I told him. "There's still stuff we have to work out, though." I shrugged a shoulder. "I'm going to text him soon. He's supposed to come over today so that we can.. talk," I grumbled.

"Oooh, gotcha..," Morgana purred, looking amused. "Well, I'm sure it will all work itself out! You are a smooth talker, after all." I couldn't help but laugh at that comment. I certainly didn't feel like a 'smooth talker' when it came to talking about Ryuji...

We spoke a little bit longer about the events that had taken place. I didn't tell him how nervous I was to come out to every body else. I didn't want to even think about it. I wanted to be happy for the time being. I wanted to forget about all the complications that came with Ryuji and I's relationship- if you could even call it that.

Right around noon, I couldn't wait another minute for him to text me... so I impatiently texted him instead. 'You still coming over today?' I asked. I set my phone down and tapped my foot lightly against the floor.

After a few minutes, but really it felt like hours, he texted me back. 'Yeah, man! I'll leave soon if that's alright with you.' Obviously it's okay with me.

'Sounds good.' I replied. I was anxious for his arrival, as I so often was. He wanted to make it official... It amazed me when I thought about how different things were a week earlier. A week prior I thought there was no chance in hell Ryuji and I would ever form a romantic relationship. I never would have guessed I would be sitting there, waiting for him to come over so we could talk about putting a label on our relationship. It was surreal.

"Ryuji's coming over now," I nonchalantly told Morgana. He let out a dramatic sigh and stood up, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"I guess I'll make myself scarce," He yawned. I grinned at him with a small nod.

"Thanks," I said quietly.

"Yeah. I'll go for a walk. Get some fresh air! I get tired of being in here anyways." He hopped down from the couch. "Good luck with your talk!" He snickered and began padding towards the stairs. "See ya later," He called over his shoulder just before he trotted down the steps. I felt kind of bad- it was undoubtedly pretty hot outside. Where else could he go so that we could get privacy, though?

I attempted to bide my time with my video games, though I was having a difficult time focusing. I kept losing, and eventually I gave up completely. I stood up and walked restlessly over to my bed. I rubbed my forehead, attempting to relax.

After what felt like hours, I heard Ryuji's familiar footsteps sounding from the stairs. Soon he came into view, his eyes immediately meeting mine. We both smiled at each other, though his was a bit sheepish. "Yo," He greeted with a half assed wave.

"Hey," I greeted back. He stood in the middle of the room awkwardly, glancing around.

"Where's Mona?" He asked, his brow furrowed slightly.

"Oh, he went out for a while. He gets tired of being cooped up in here, I think," I explained. Ryuji nodded in acknowledgement, his eyes resting on me once again.

"You can sit down," I suggested lightheartedly. He walked forward and sat down next to me, letting out a long sigh, slouching forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "So... what exactly did you wanna talk about?" I asked, deciding to get right to the point.

"Huh?" He asked, his eyes widening momentarily. "Oh... a-about the text?" He asked. I simply nodded with a small smirk on my face. "I-... I dunno, man. The hell you want me to say?" He whined, gazing ahead. He certainly was difficult.

"You want to be something official with me?" I asked, keeping my eyes focused on him. His cheeks were beginning to flush as he scowled ahead. He took a deep breath, his scowl faltering into a look of defeat. He turned his head to meet my eyes and nodded.  
"Yeah... I really think I do," He admitted softly. My lips curled into a smile, keeping my eyes locked with his. "What...?" He asked suspiciously. I shook my head.

"Nothing. I just never thought this would happen." I grinned and scooted a little closer. "You want to be my boyfriend?" I asked, my stomach fluttering as I said the word.

"Come on, man, it sounds fuckin' weird when you say it...," He grumbled, letting his head hang, his eyes closing. I couldn't help but laugh lightly at this.

"So now you're saying you _don't_ want to make it official and put a label on it?" I teased. He immediately lifted his head again to look at me, his eyes wide.

"No, no. That ain't what I'm sayin..," He growled. "The word _boyfriend_ just sounds weird... that's all." He shrugged a shoulder. "I never thought I would be saying I have a boyfriend," He whispered, seemingly more to himself than me. At this point, I couldn't help but reach over and throw my arm over his shoulders to pull him closer.

"Well, would you rather be my girlfriend?" I asked sarcastically. To my relief, Ryuji laughed at that, placing his hand over his mouth slightly as he did.

"Jesus, Akira. You're fuckin' awesome," He said quietly, looking at me with a crooked grin on his face. He then turned and wrapped his arms tightly around me. He was practically in my lap, and I was quite surprised by the sudden affection. I returned his embrace happily, his warm breath flowing across my skin as he buried his face in my neck. "Dude... I don't know what's wrong with me," He snorted. "I just saw you yesterday, but I couldn't stop thinkin' about you all night... I... I fuckin' _missed_ you." He sounded shocked, and I couldn't help but stifle some laughter. "What?" He snapped, sitting up again.

"Sounds like you're pretty infatuated with me," I teased.

"Hey!" He protested. "You're the reason this happened! Don't act like you're all indifferent 'n shit!" He scowled at me. I smiled warmly back at him and shook my head.

"I'm not indifferent at all," I assured him. _I want to be with you forever. If I had a uterus I would probably want to have your children. I've been jerking off to fantasies of you every night for the past year. I'm so in love with you that if I told you how I actually felt you would think I'm crazy._ "I have what I want now." Ryuji rolled his eyes and I gently moved my hand to the back of his head. I pulled him forward until our foreheads gently bumped against each other's. "You're mine..." He let out a deep sigh, an almost sad expression on his face. I pulled back to get a better look. "What's wrong?.... Boyfriend....," I teased with a sadistic smile on my face.

"Aah, come on, man!" He groaned, but that was quickly replaced with a laugh. "You gonna keep callin' me that from now on?"

"It's called exposure therapy," I snickered with a nod. He gave me a blank look, scratching his head briefly.

"Huh?" He murmured.

"It was a joke," I explained, a smile stuck on my face. Ryuji wasn't always the sharpest tool in the shed, to put it nicely...He suddenly began fiddling his thumbs together, his eyes looking down at his hands as he did. I noticed him swallow roughly and I couldn't help but wonder what he was getting nervous about.

"W-well, since you're my _boyfriend_ and all now..." He paused, a crooked grin on his face, before reluctantly continuing, "I, uh, wanna get to know you." I raised an eye brow.

"You already know me. Better than anyone else," I told him, slightly puzzled by what he meant. He nodded, rubbing the nape of his neck.

"Yeah, b-but I wanna know you _more_... d-do you know what I mean?" He looked at me briefly, his eye brows raised. I narrowed my eyes... he didn't mean...?

"Oh... ooh!" I breathed in comprehension. He nodded, looking a bit flustered. "...Could you please elaborate?" His eyes shot to meet mine once more, his mouth hanging open incredulously.

"C'mon, Akira! You know what I'm talkin' about." He shook his head, casting me a scowl. I simply grinned back and shrugged a shoulder. He had always been a bit awkward when it came to talking about sexual stuff. I was surprised he brought it up in the first place. But I found it the perfect opportunity to toy with him some more.

"Sounds good to me." I couldn't help but add, "I'm determined to get yours up next time."

"H-hey!" Ryuji protested. I snickered as I watched his face turn quite red. "I-I-I don't think that'll even be a problem... jeeze, man." He let his head hang with an exasperated sigh.

"I was just kidding, dude," I comforted with another small laugh. He sure was uptight. But I couldn't really blame him. Everything was happening pretty fast.

"I'm serious, though. N-not even just with that shit.. I wanna know you better than I know you now... I wanna get to know you inside out... as gay as that sounds," He stammered, letting out a nervous laugh. I couldn't deny it, I was feeling an overwhelming amount of emotion from his words. My chest felt tight, and my stomach twisted as I looked at him. He was so vulnerable.. he was allowing himself to be vulnerable for me.

"I feel the same...," I told him quietly. He nodded, a genuine smile forming on his face.. I couldn't handle it any longer. I leaned forward until our lips connected. It was gentle, passionate, and soft. No teeth, no tongue, just our lips. The soft kiss still didn't keep me from feeling that familiar uncomfortable pressure in my pants. Damn it all. Being a teenage guy sucked. "Wanna get to know me more now?" I joked, knowing he would say no. He laughed loudly before giving my arm a small punch.

"Not yet, asshole!" He snickered. Both of us fell silent for about a minute before he spoke again. "But... someday soon..." He twiddled his thumbs together, his cheeks flushing. He was really uncomfortable talking about having sex with me. As much as he would always talk about girls, it was a bit silly.

"Whenever you're ready," I told him, brushing the back of my hand along his jawline. Ryuji suddenly grabbed onto my shirt, and forcefully buried his face in it, his forehead leaning against my chest.

"Ugh!" He groaned, his voice muffled as he continued. "Shit's so embarrassin'..." I pat my hand against his back. "But seriously, dude." He straightened himself up suddenly, releasing his hold of my shirt. "The fuck are we gonna tell everyone?"

"Well... to be honest, Morgana already knows." As of an hour earlier...

"The _cat_ knows?" He whined, his shoulders slouching. I raised an eye brow and nodded.

"Yeah. He's known I liked you for a long time. We live together, what do you expect?" I snorted. "So that's one down, right?"

"I guess," Ryuji grumbled. "Why's shit gotta be so complicated?"

"Maybe it won't be as bad as you think," I said optimistically. "Do you want me to tell Ann?" I asked. Ann... She would probably be upset. Honestly, part of me wanted to see her face when I told her that the guy she'd been yearning over for god knows how long was never going to be hers. But at the same time I knew all too well how that felt. He shrugged a shoulder.

"I-I mean, if you don't mind... You _have_ always been better at talkin' and shit." He scuffed his shoes lightly on the wooden floor as he spoke. I nodded.

"Yeah, I can do that," I muttered, namely to myself. I needed to tell Makoto as well. That would be the right thing to do, right? Even though it was the right thing, it wasn't going to be easy. I shook the thought out of my head. "She's gonna be upset," I mumbled. He had a perplexed expression.

"Why?" He asked, his eye brows furrowing. I grinned and shook my head. Was he actually that oblivious?

"Because- she likes you, man," I told him, smiling as I spoke. He looked lost in thought momentarily before letting out a long sigh.

"Yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess that's gonna suck for her, huh?" He looked over at me, his brown eyes filled with concern. I nodded, reaching forward to let my hand rest on his knee.

"It will all work out," I tried to reassure him. It was difficult to reassure him, however, when I myself wasn't even so sure. He reached forward and grabbed a hold of my hand, entwining his fingers in mine, before scooting closer to me. I looked over to see he had a vacant look on his face as he stared ahead at nothing in particular. I waved my free hand in front of his face after a little bit. "Hellooo?"

"Wha?" His head snapped over to look at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked calmly. He shook his head.

"Nothin'. I just know how it feels to like some one that you think you don't got a chance in the world with," He huffed, but a smile spread over his face soon after he spoke. I couldn't keep a smile from forming on my face either, and I knew we were both thinking the same thing. We were both thinking about how we had each other. How bizarre it was. How it was so perfect it almost didn't feel possible.

I reached my hand up to rest along his jaw line. I gently turned his head and leaned forward until our lips met, my body tingling all over from the sensation. I slid my hand back to run my fingers through the hair at the base of his skull. I was pleasantly surprised when his tongue slid into my mouth, his hand releasing my own. He gripped onto my thigh, squeezing rather tightly.

Ryuji pulled back momentarily to breathe, "I don't ever wanna feel like that again." I didn't even have a chance to respond before his lips were pressed firmly against mine once more, his arms wrapping around my neck. He wouldn't ever feel like that while he was with me. I would make sure of that.


	6. September

Class had started again; something none of us ever looked forward to, especially Ryuji. It became unbearably monotonous as the days rolled by and sometimes I wondered if it was even worth it.

So there I sat, staring out the window as I more often than not did. I sighed, so bored I was beginning to feel tired. I had better things to be doing than sitting in that classroom, faintly listening to the teacher speak. I had plans after school. I was going to confess everything to Ann. I wasn't sure how it would go, but I was trying to stay positive. There was no point in getting worked up about it. Her reaction was totally out of my control. My eyes shifted up to the girl sitting in front of me. She looked just as bored as I felt.. My phone suddenly buzzed in my pocket.

'Whatcha doin' today?' Ryuji texted me. I hesitated before responding.

'I'm going to meet up with Ann after class.' I replied. I still needed to ask her, but I was fairly certain she would say yes.

'Oooooh... you gonna give her the talk?' He asked. I couldn't help but snort with laughter at that.

'I don't think I need to do that. I'm sure her parents talked to her about the birds and the bees years ago.' I smirked and sent my text.

'Alright, smart ass!' Ryuji answered, and I could hear his response perfectly in my head.

I glanced up at Ann again before opening my previous chat message with her. 'Do you wanna hang out after class?' I texted. A few seconds after I texted her I noticed her perk up in her seat a bit, seeming somewhat surprised. She pulled her phone out and read my text. She peered over her shoulder at me, a slightly confused look on her face.

'Sure... Something wrong?' She responded quickly.

'No. Just wanted to talk about something with you.' I replied.

'What! That doesn't make it seem like nothing is wrong!' She protested. I grinned to myself.

'Don't worry about it.' I replied and shoved my phone in my pocket. I felt it buzz again but I ignored it. After about a minute, more than likely once she realized I wasn't going to answer, she turned in her seat to give me a troubled scowl. I simply grinned at her, which more than likely only added to her annoyance.

Truth be told, I had no idea how I was even gonna bring it up to her. I didn't want Ryuji to tell her, though.. The chances of it going poorly were rather high if he talked to her. I could only imagine him bumbling over his words and Ann yelling at him to spit it out. The image caused a small smirk to form on my face.

Ann would be heartbroken to hear the words come out of Ryuji's mouth. Even though I had spent the past year full of jealously and resentment towards her, I didn't want her to feel that sort of pain. Of course there was no avoiding her heartache- but I felt that this way, with me telling her, it would lessen the blow a little. At least that's what I hoped.

Class seemed to drag on forever, my impatience to get out not helping at all. But eventually the time came when the teacher dismissed the class. As soon as this happened, Ann whipped around in her seat to glare at me. "What the hell, Akira!" She growled. "You can't leave me wondering like that all day!" I gave her a crooked grin.

"It's nothing, Ann. Really," I tried to assure her even though I was lying. She pouted briefly before letting out a small sigh.

"Fine... So where did you want to go?" She asked. Good question. The diner? That way she couldn't make a scene. Well... she could, but it would be a little less likely.

"Wanna go to the diner in Shibuya?" I asked, slowly gathering myself to stand.

"Sure.. Just us? No Ryuji or anyone?" She asked in return, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she stood.

"Nope. Just me and you." I cast her a smile as we began walking out of the classroom together.

"You're making me nervous," She whined, a wary look on her face. I couldn't help but snicker. She had no idea what was coming...

"Why?" I laughed, trying to act as nonchalant as possible. She stared at me incredulously.

"Do you even remember the last time you asked me to hang out alone?" She returned my question. After about thirty seconds without an answer, she continued, "Akira!" I jumped, startled by her sudden yell.

"Oh. I thought that was a rhetorical question," I muttered.

"No!" She snapped. "But, anyways. It's been a long ass time. So obviously I'm gonna be a little suspicious."

"Ann," I sighed. "Just calm down. It's nothing big." How tiring she could be.

<<>>

It wasn't until we were walking into the diner that the realization of the situation hit me. My palms were actually sweating, and my heart began pounding. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous. I thought I would be able to smooth things over with her... but what if she was disgusted? She might never want to talk to me or Ryuji again. Not everything always went according to plan, and I didn't want Ann to hate us.

So there we were, seated in a booth, our waitress taking our drink order. Ann got tea, but I of course settled with coffee. She then left us be with a few minutes to look over the menu. I had no intention of ordering food, but Ann was glancing over the menu.

"You gonna get food?" I asked lightheartedly. She shrugged her shoulder.

"I might get an order of fries. Nothing much, though. I don't have much money," She replied sheepishly with a small grin on her face. I nodded, definitely understanding the feeling. My phone suddenly buzzed in my pocket.

'How'd it go?' Ryuji asked. Jesus christ. He was probably barely even home yet!

'Give me some time.' I replied. Ann was tapping her fingers melodically on the table top, her chin resting in her palm. I didn't want to bring anything up until the waitress took our food order.

As if reading my mind, she walked back up to the table. Ann ordered a plate of fries as she thought she might. Once we were alone, I could feel my heart rate increasing again.

"Soo...," She began slowly. "What was it you wanted to talk about?" She was trying to sound bright, but I could hear a twinge of apprehension in her voice. My mind was racing on what to say next. _Just do it._ I took a deep breath.

"You like Ryuji, don't you?" I began, my voice calm, trying not to sound like I was accusing her. She looked taken aback by my question, her eye brows furrowing immediately.

"What? N-no!" She spat, sitting up more. I smirked at how defensive she already was. I figured she would be, though.

"Ann... cut the shit. I _know_ you do," I stated bluntly. Her blue eyes were filled with worry.

"What the hell makes you think that, then?" She snapped. I took another deep breath, silently encouraging myself to spit it out.

"Because..." I paused, looking Ann in the eyes. "I know how it feels." She gave me a blank expression, her eyes narrowing as she tried to put the pieces together.

"Stop being so damn cryptic all the time!" She growled. "What the fuck does that mean?" I was a bit surprised by her hostility. I wasn't being cryptic! She just didn't want to believe what I said! I glanced around to see if our waitress was anywhere near before continuing

"I like Ryuji, too," I hissed quietly. She continued to stare at me, her mouth hanging open softly.

"W-what?" She sputtered out. I was about to continue, but once again right as I thought of her, our waitress arrived the fries. She set them down, seeming to notice our tense situation. Ann stared down at the plate for a moment before shifting her eyes back up to me. I began speaking once more after a moment of hesitation.

"I like him... so I always noticed how you looked at him.. how you interacted with him. Sure, you acted like you hated him sometimes. But I saw through that," I explained, running my fingers along my coffee mug. She didn't say anything, and I wasn't expecting her to. I would let her soak in the information I just gave her before continuing.

"W-wow...," She finally breathed after. "Akira- I... I never knew." She looked lost in thought. It felt good to tell her. My chest felt a little lighter. But I had yet to tell her the bigger part of my news... "What about Makoto?" She asked. I groaned internally.

"I fucked up with Makoto. I should have never done what I did to her," I told her quickly. She nodded, looking down at her hands. "I never liked her. I was just trying to 'fill the void' if you will." I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I never told you, Ann."

"No, it's okay. I understand why you wouldn't want to," She assured me. "It's just... not what I expected this talk to be about, ya know?" She gave me a small, sad grin.

"Yeah..." I was definitely avoiding what needed to be said next. Luckily, Ann was curious and kept asking questions.

"How long have you... liked him?" She inquired.

"Since Madarame's palace," I murmured, leaning in closer as a group people walked past our booth.

"Shit, Akira." Ann looked dumbfounded. "That's a long time..." I nodded. "I can't even imagine how that must feel.. You've liked a straight guy like him for so long. Must be awful...," She snorted, leaning back and crossing her arms. I just looked at her. I didn't know what to say... I couldn't form words for the first time in a long time. My face must have been an open book with guilt, because her eyes widened. " _What_...?" She began slowly before letting out a small gasp. "Does Ryuji like you too!?" She whispered, her voice filled with intensity. I hesitated, my mind racing with what I should do or say next.

"Er...," I began, clearing my throat. My eyes nervously dashed across the diner, making sure nobody was nearby. "Yes...," I muttered through grit teeth. Ann's hand clasped over her mouth, her eyes still wide and staring at me.

"No shit!" She gasped loudly. "Sorry...," She apologized immediately for her outburst, coming in closer to me once more. "Are you serious?" She asked quietly. I nodded. "Since when..?"

"I've known since the middle of summer break." I sighed. "I wanted to tell you... you're our friend, after all." She nodded, frowning slightly. She definitely looked troubled. "I'm sorry." I straightened in my seat once again. She shook her head.

"N-no, Akira... don't apologize. It's not your fault, or his fault.. I just wish I'd known sooner," She told me. I could understand that. "S-so, you two are together?" She asked. I reluctantly nodded. I could practically see the misery settle in her blue eyes.

"I know what it feels like, Ann," I told her quietly. She gave me an inquisitive look so I continued. "To want some one that you'll never be able to get."

"Y-yeah, I guess..." She seemed quite despondent, but I couldn't blame her. "Well.. I can't believe you were able to read me like that!" I snickered.

"It really wasn't hard. If Ryuji were a little less oblivious I think he could have figured out both of us had a thing for him," I laughed. To my relief she let out a small laugh as well and nodded.

"Shit...," She sighed. "I'm glad you told me." I nodded, keeping my eyes focused on her as she spoke. "As jealous as I am... gotta admit. Picturing you two together is pretty damn cute," She giggled. I could feel my cheeks flushing a little.

"Aren't you at least glad he's not with another girl?" I asked, trying to make her feel better. She stared at me, a mildly incredulous look on her face.

"I'm not sure which is worse, honestly," She sighed. "But like I said before, Akira. I can't be mad at you two. It's not like I was honest with Ryuji. Even if I had told him how I really feel, I don't think it would have made a difference in how things turned out." She let her cheek rest in her palm once more, elbow propped on the table. I nodded, feeling a little bit awkward, unsure of what to say.

"I never thought this would happen, Ann," I admitted. She cast me a genuine smile.

"No?" She asked. "Are you happy?" I nodded, giving her a crooked grin.

"More than I ever have been," I said quietly. That was the truth. Ryuji made me indescribably happy. Being with him was like nothing else in the world. We could sit for hours in silence next to each other and be totally comfortable. Just his presence was enough to put me at ease. "I love him so much," I slipped out before I could stop myself.

"You deserve that," She whispered. "Ultimately, I want both of you to be happy. That's what is important to me." She was being sincere, looking at me directly in the eyes. Relief washed over me, along with a small amount of guilt. All of my annoyance and jealously of her had been in vain. I was the one she should have been jealous of all along, not the other way around.

"Thank you, Ann," I said softly. "It means a lot to me. We were kinda nervous you would hate us," I admitted. She laughed and shook her head.

"I could never hate you, Akira... Ryuji... eeeeh, maybe." She smirked at me and we both laughed. "If you ever need to talk about anything, I'll always be here." I nodded, my stomach feeling warm from our conversation. After a couple minutes of silence as she picked at her fries she spoke once more. "So.. does he know you love him?" She questioned nonchalantly. I was taken aback by the question, and left staring at her for moments before I could open my mouth to speak.

"W-well, I kinda just assumed it was a given," I stuttered. She let out a small 'psh' and waved her hand.

"Akria, it's never a given," She said matter of factly. "I know you're both guys, but if Ryuji loves you, wouldn't you wanna hear it sometime instead of just _assuming it's a given_?" She had a point. I nodded slowly.

"Why did you ask that anyways?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"I knew you never told him from the look on your face after you said it earlier," She explained, a smirk on her face.

"Yeah, you got me there," I sighed.

"Why not tell him?" She asked lightly. I shrugged a shoulder.

"I don't wanna rush things." I didn't want him to think I was crazy. Part of me was afraid he didn't feel the same as me in that aspect.

"You've been good friends for over a year," She snorted. "I don't think you would be rushing things... I think you should tell him how you really feel." Why was she being so supportive? Maybe it would help her get over him. I nodded, my mind racing. Maybe I _should_ tell him. My phone buzzed in my pocket.

'Dude!' Ryuji texted impatiently. I shook my head and decided to answer.

'It went well.' I replied and let my phone rest in my lap. It didn't even take thrity seconds before he got back to me.

'For real? She wasn't devastated?' I couldn't help but snicker at that. He was probably hoping she'd cried or something.

'Nope. She's fine with it.' I answered. When I looked back up at Ann she was giving me an skeptical stare.

"I'll tell him.. eventually," I sighed, slipping my phone into my pocket once more. She gave an exaggerated shrug before going back to eating her fries.

We sat together at the diner for a while longer, but once we were out of coffee and fries we decided we should go. We stood up from our booth and headed outside. As we walked down central street I was reminded of the anxiety I had felt hours earlier. I was so relieved it had gone well.

"I still can't believe it!" Ann laughed. I peered over at her and shrugged.

"I guess that means I was pretty good at hiding it," I mused. She snorted.

"Well, yeah. You both were..," She trailed off, shoving her hands in the pockets of her jacket. I knew it would take time for Ann to get over Ryuji. I was certain she would, though. I was hoping the realization of his unavailability would be closure enough for her. It never was for me, though. Once we reached the train station, she turned towards me, a small grin on her face.

"Akira. Thanks for telling me," She said quietly before wrapping her arms around me. I returned the gesture, happiness and relief welling inside of me. I no longer had to feel jealous or annoyed. I didn't have to feel guilty, either. She was my true friend again.

"Of course." We released each other and she nodded.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then!" She said happily. "Let me know if you ever need to talk again!" With that, she turned and walked away. I watched her go until eventually I couldn't find her in the crowd. I let out a deep sigh and turned to head in the direction of my train.

<<>>

I stared at the movie screen in front of us, hardly able to pay attention despite how loud the noise was. My mind was definitely wandering to different things. I peered over at Ryuji, his eyes bright as he watched the movie. He seemed much more into it than me, which honestly made me happy. I was glad he was enjoying himself. I grinned to myself, shifting in my seat so that I was leaning towards him. I let my elbow sit on the arm rest next to him. He glanced at me for a moment as I moved before his eyes went back to the screen.

The day had been much more successful than I'd imagined it would be, and I was grateful for that. I felt completely relaxed, sitting next to Ryuji in the movie theater. At one point, deciding it was fine since it was dark and the theater was fairly empty, I reached over and took his hand in mine. His eyes flickered down to our hands, a small grin forming on his lips. He held tightly for a moment. I ran my thumb over his skin as I stared blankly ahead. I had no idea what was happening on the screen... but I didn't really care.

It was kind of late once the movie was over, so I decided to walk Ryuji to the station. "Man, that was a good one!" He stated happily, shoving his hands into his pockets as we walked.

"Yeah.. It was fun going on a date with you," I snickered. He looked at me, his mouth gaping slightly, his eye brows raised in surprise. 

"I- uhhh," He babbled before gathering his composure enough to utter, " _Date_?"

"Isn't that what couples do?" I asked, unfazed by his shock.

"Well, yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck, looking forward once more as we walked. "Still not used to thinking of us as a couple n' shit."

The walk to the station didn't seem long enough. I wasn't ready to say good bye to him. Once we came to where his train would stop, we stopped walking and he turned to face me. That familiar sheepish expression I'd become so accustomed to overcame his face.

"I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow, huh?" He asked awkwardly. I grinned and nodded.

"Yeah, unless I get kidnapped on the way home," I teased. Ryuji laughed and shook his head.

"I think you're a lil too big to get kidnapped," He snickered.

"Are you calling me fat?" I gasped. His smile widened.

"No, dumb ass!" He objected, laughter heavy in his voice.

"No, I definitely think you were," I insisted. "I'm hurt." I gave a fake pout. We were laughing together when I heard that familiar rumble. We turned our heads just in time to see the train come into view.

"Ehh...," He murmured, his expression falling. "Alright, I gotta go." His brown eyes were soft as he gazed into mine. I grinned warmly at him and nodded. I didn't want him to go.. I wanted him to come back to Leblanc with me and spend the night right by my side.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow," I told him, every fiber of my being screaming to reach out and touch him. With that, he turned and began walking towards the train car. He took maybe three steps when he stopped suddenly. I watched as he turned on his heel and stepped towards me until he was right in front of me. He gazed at me, apprehension visible on his face.

"Ah, fuck it!" He breathed, leaning in until our lips connected, his hands holding my head in place gently. I was taken aback by this. We were in the subway with quite a few people around us. I practically felt the sparks between our mouths as we kissed. Almost as soon as it began, however, it was over. He gave me one last smile before turning and jogging to enter the train that was about to leave the station. I put my hand up in a wave, feeling dazed.

I stood there for a few seconds before my legs found the strength to move again. I turned and headed out of the station, back in the direction of Leblanc. I kept picturing the moment in my head over and over as I walked. My stomach felt giddy, my head light. I was so happy.

When I was about half way to Leblanc, my phone went off. I didn't hesitate to take it out of my pocket and read the text. It was from Ryuji.

'You're too perfect to resist.' My eyes stared at the text laid out in front of me. My mouth curled to form a smile that would be stuck on my face for the rest of the walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the last scene so much... :) I hope you like it too!


	7. October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while for an upload. Life has been crazy, and my days off have been booked! But I finally got the time to sit down and proof read the last chapter. So here it is! so sad... if anybody has suggestions on ideas for me to write in the future, all ears. I love writing, and I had a lot of fun with these two. I hope you enjoy it, and thanks so much for reading. Will probably still post some chapters in Ryuji's point of view, so stay tuned for that.

My phone went off beside me. I blinked the sleep out of my eyes, feeling slightly disoriented as I woke from my sleep. I groaned and reached over to grab it. Why was he texting me this late on a school night? My heart jumped as I read the name of the person who had texted me. Makoto...

'Hey, Akira. I know it's been a while since we spoke... I was just wondering if you had any free time soon to see me?' She asked. I stared at the bright screen, immediately feeling wide awake. I needed to tell her. I needed to tell her so that she could let me go.  
'Yeah. When are you free?' I replied. I let my hand fall to my stomach, taking a deep breath. It didn't take long for her to answer.

'What about this Saturday, after you get out of class?' She texted. This Saturday...? As much as I wanted to tell her I was busy, I knew that wasn't true. I needed to get it over with.

'That should work. I can text you when I'm done. Did you want to come to Leblanc?' I asked, dread already building in my gut. I didn't want to be in public when I spoke with Makoto. Something told me it wasn't going to go as smoothly as it did with Ann.

'Sure. That would be great..' She replied. I set my phone down and rolled restlessly to my side. I shut my eyes, certain I wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep for a while. Why did she always text me so late? Probably up studying or something...

Out of all the girls in our group, I'd always liked Makoto the most as a potential decoy from the truth. She was the most attractive in my opinion. But as I got to know her more, I was never into how prim she was. Her studies were very important; almost too important. She wanted to go to law school... We were two very different people. Even if we had been a perfect fit for each other, I couldn't have pretended for very long. My feelings for Ryuji caught up to me very quickly, and I couldn't pretend to be her boyfriend.

Makoto was uptight, defensive, and skeptical of people for the most part. It was difficult to get close to her. But for some reason, I'm not sure why, she let her guard down for me. That was her biggest mistake... I should have never let her get so close to me. As sick and twisted as it was, I ended up taking her virginity. I regretted it more than anything else that had happened between us. I felt like a horrible, disgusting person. After that she seemed to grow closer to me, while I drifted away. I wasn't interested in her in the slightest. I never truly had been. I was relieved when the school year ended and she went off to university.

It was all catching up to me. Like I knew it would...

<<>>

For the first time since beginning the school year, I wasn't looking forward to class ending. It was Saturday- the day Makoto and I were going to meet up. I peered up at the clock, tapping my fingers restlessly against my desk. It was soon time...

I still hadn't told Ryuji my plan for the night, but I needed to. I pulled my phone out quickly and began typing in our chat message, 'Meet me in the courtyard after class.' He replied quickly with an okay. I suddenly realized with a jolt that I needed to find somewhere for Morgana to go for the night. I wanted to be alone to talk to her... So who better to ask than Ann? Morgana would be thrilled to spend time with her, anyways.

'Can you do me a favor and keep Morgana over at your place tonight?' I messaged her. I watched her pull out her phone and then turn to give me a devious glance.

'What are you and Ryuji doing tonight....?' She replied. Oh, god...

'No, not that! I'm meeting up with Makoto tonight to tell her about us.' I cleared up the misconception quickly.

'Oooh! Sure, I can take him.' She replied, peering back at me with an amused smile. I shook my head at her assumption, unable to keep a smirk from cracking on my lips. I then mouthed 'thank you' to her. She nodded and turned back to face the teacher. I let out a deep, quiet breath and sunk into my seat. I turned my head to look out the window at the sky. What I wouldn't do to be somewhere far, far away where I could escape my problems. _Problems I made for myself._

It didn't take long for dismissal, unfortunately. I tried to focus my mind on the fact that I was about to go see the one person who made me happier than anybody else as I shuffled through the halls. I headed downstairs and out the side doors leading to the court yard. When I reached the pavilion, Ryuji was already standing against the wall. He turned his head and gave me a crooked grin.

"Yo," He greeted, remaining against the wall. He looked great as I always thought he did. I resisted the urge to reach out and touch him, though.

"Hey," I said in return, stopping once I was standing in front of him. There were still plenty of students around, but we were pretty well hidden there. As I looked at him I couldn't help but think of how much I was dreading my inevitable meeting. I would have much rather spent the rest of the day with him.

"What's up?" He asked cheerily. I leaned in a bit closer to him after peering around briefly for other students. I grinned softly and ran my fingers gently through his hair before speaking.

"I'm meeting up with Makoto tonight," I sighed, letting my arm fall to my side once more. He frowned, shaking his head slightly. "Hm?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Gah- I wish you didn't havta meet up with her...," He admitted, the frown remaining. A small grin formed on my lips.

"Are you _jealous_?" I whispered, unable to deny that his reaction made my stomach burn. He shook his head quickly.

"No!" He rebutted. "Well... Y-yeah, I guess." Ryuji sighed, seeming quite flustered.

"You don't have anything to worry about, ya know?" I reassured him. He shrugged a shoulder, looking unconvinced.

"Well, you kinda had a fling with her, didn't you?" He asked. I reluctantly nodded. "Sorry. I know I shouldn't be gettin' jealous. You're not with her now, so..."

"I never liked her. The only reason I did anything with her was because I was trying to get you off my mind. And as bad as it sounds- she was an easy target," I admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck. It made me feel like an awful person now. He scowled at me, shaking his head. "I'm with you now, though... so why does it matter?" I asked softly.

"It don't," He snapped. "I'm just being a fuckin' idiot." His shoulders slouched. I briefly touched my hand to his arm, giving it a quick squeeze. I knew that Ryuji was especially reluctant to show public displays of affection around Shujin Academy.

"If I tell her, she'll stop texting me," I said, feeling agitated just thinking about it. I wasn't only agitated with her, but with myself as well. I was the one that caused my own mess in the first place. He still looked disgruntled, and I couldn't help but snicker. "Ryuji!"

"It's just- been a long time comin, ya know?" He explained before peering around for passing students. "Us, I mean..." _Oh, I know._ "So I don't wanna think about you bein' with anyone else." He looked me in the eyes as he spoke.

"I know...," I assured him softly. "Really, though. You have nothing to worry about." He sighed and nodded, a grin finally forming on his face.

"I know I don't. I'm just bein' a dumb ass, like I said." He looked dejected, despite the grin on his face. Makoto really bothered him that much? Thinking back, he did get very upset whenever I talked about her...

"Did you wanna come over afterwards?" I asked brightly, hoping it would cheer him up. "I want you to stay the night, if you wouldn't mind."

"'Course I wouldn't mind," He snorted. "When are you meeting up with Makoto?" He asked, and I didn't miss the twinge of bitterness in his voice.

"As soon as I'm done talking to you," I grumbled, not looking forward to it at all.

"Well, shit. Get it over with so we can hang out, dude." He stood up from leaning on the wall. "Just lemme know when you're done, then I'll head over, kay?" I nodded.

"Alright. I'll see you later." I wanted to reach forward and touch him, pull him into my arms. His brown eyes met mine for a few seconds before he nodded and began walking away. I crossed my arms, taking a deep breath in, and watched him go until he was out of view. He was mad... Was he worried I would cheat on him with Makoto? Or was it something else? I was left scratching my head on that thought.

Begrudgingly, I walked towards the school gates. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets as I began my trek to the train station. I couldn't stop thinking about the different possibilities that could happen when I told Makoto the truth. I had a bad feeling, though. She would feel betrayed and hurt, which would undoubtedly make her defenses rise. Rightfully so..

Once I was on the train I decided to text her, that way we might be able to get to Leblanc around the same time. The sooner I got it over with, the better.. right?

'Hey. Heading home now.' I sent, staring down at my phone for her response.

'Great. I will be on my way soon.' She replied quickly. _Great...._ My stomach twisted as I thought about what was to come.

My train ride ended much too quickly, and before I knew it I was standing in front of Leblanc. I turned the door knob after a moment of hesitation and stepped inside. I immediately headed upstairs to find Morgana laying on my bed, looking as if he had just woken up from a nap.

"Hey!" He greeted happily. Before I could explain anything, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. My heart jumped into my throat at the sound. To my relief, when I looked over my shoulder, it was Ann standing at the top of the stairs. I'd nearly forgotten.

"Lady Ann! What are you doing here?" He asked, sounding pleasantly surprised.

"Coming to pick you up! Lover boy here wanted the attic to himself tonight," She replied cheerily, prodding me in the side with her elbow. Wait... what!? He cocked his head in confusion before darting his eyes to me.

"Ew! What are you and Ryuji doing tonight?" He hissed. Ann immediately began laughing, as I knew she would. She got the exact reaction she wanted.

"Nothing!" I objected. I wished we were... "I'm meeting up with Makoto, and I thought she might appreciate it if we had a private conversation."

"Well why didn't you say so?" Morgana chirped. "Then I would have never had that awful image in my head!" I couldn't help but laugh lightly at this and shake my head.

"Ann doesn't think that image in awful...," I told him, glancing over to see her reaction.

"Hey!" She protested, her cheeks flushing immediately. That alone was indication that I was correct. I raised an eye brow at her with a shrug. "A-anyways... you ready, Mona?" She asked.

"Yes, please!" He jumped off my bed and padded over to her. "Let's go! Before it gets any weirder..." He narrowed his eyes as he passed me. Ann leaned down to pick Morgana up.

"So, let me know how it goes. Okay?" She gave me a small smile.

"Alright..." I nodded. "I'm really nervous to be honest," I admitted and then shrugged. "But there isn't really anything I can do."

"Yeah...," She said softly. "I'm sure everything will be fine. Just be honest, ya know?"

"Yeah, I know. I will be... but that's the problem," I snorted. "I think me being completely honest is what's going to make her pissed."

"It's for the best," Ann reassured me. She reached forward and rubbed my shoulder. "Good luck, Akira. Text me if you need anything, alright?" I nodded with a small, forced smile.

"I will. Thanks," I murmured. She cast me one last sad smile before turning and leaving the attic. I walked over to my bed and sat down, trying to gather my thoughts. I was nervous... this was doing to be worse than telling Ann. But did I really care if she stopped talking to me? No. It would be best for my relationship with Ryuji. Especially after seeing his reaction when I told him I had to meet up with her. My phone suddenly buzzed, snapping me out of my thoughts.

'How's it goin'?' Ryuji asked. I rolled my eyes with a small grin.

'Oh, fine. Just sitting here by myself.' I replied.

'Huh? I thought you were gonna let me know when she left!' He quickly typed back.

'Makoto didn't even get here yet. You sure are antsy.' I snickered to myself. He must have had no grasp on time.

'Oh. For real?' He asked.

'Yes. I'll text you when she leaves, really.' I assured him.

'Alright, alright... I'm just excited to see you later.' A grin formed on my lips.

'Oh...?' I questioned. To my dismay he didn't reply. He was probably embarrassed or something that he'd even said that much.

It wasn't long after that I heard footsteps sounding from the stairs. My heart nearly skipped a beat. I wasn't ready to have the conversation that was to come. But would I ever be ready? I stared in anticipation at the stairs as Makoto came into view. She didn't look any different from the last time I'd seen her. Her eyes moved to meet mine immediately and a warm grin formed over her face. I grinned tentatively back, my stomach dropping. _I'm a piece of shit._

"Hello, Akira," She greeted, standing in the middle of the room awkwardly.

"Hey," I greeted in a return, swallowing nervously. "How are you?" I asked as I stood up from my bed. She shrugged lightly.

"I've been good. Quite busy, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing," She replied, watching me as I walked over to sit on the couch. I nodded. "How about yourself?" She asked.

"I've been pretty good." I gave her a short answer. I didn't feel like telling her about how boring class was. I knew she wouldn't care or agree. "You can sit down," I told her, feeling more uncomfortable with her standing in the middle of the room. She hesitated before nodding and moving to sit down next to me. She placed her hands in her lap and glanced at me with a small smile. She seemed even wary to look at me. She was the same Makoto I'd always known. Afraid to overstep her boundaries. Afraid to reach over and touch me without me touching her first. I took a deep breath before speaking. "So what did you want to see me for?" I asked, trying to sound lighthearted.

"Just to catch up," She said, sounding nervous yet happy. "I-I've missed you since we've gone our separate ways." I nodded

"How's University been going?" I asked, changing the subject. I was definitely stalling.

"Oh." She sounded surprised and upset by me ignoring her previous statement. "It's been great. It's not easy, but it will be well worth it in the end." I nodded with a crooked grin. I listened to her talk about her classes for a while- not saying much, simply listening. The whole time she was talking I couldn't stop thinking about how bizarre it felt sitting next to her. I could feel tension between us. 

Makoto suddenly stopped talking, and I couldn't find words to speak. Nothing interesting was happening in my life besides the obvious, which I was finding hard to bring up. She stared down at her hands. "Akira...," She began quietly.

"Hm?" I murmured, my eyes narrowing as I looked at her.

"Do you ever wish things could go back to the way they used to be?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked in return. I didn't like where she was going with that.

"You know. When we were all together. Back in high school," She sighed, looking slightly dejected.

"Well, maybe sometimes," I muttered, my eye brows furrowing. She was the only one no longer in high school for the time being, but I knew what she meant. She wished we could all go back to last year. Back when we were the Phantom Thieves.

"I know it seems silly," Makoto whispered. "But I really miss it. I miss being with everyone as a team..." It seemed like she was skirting around something. "But..." She bit her lip lightly. "What I really miss is _us_." She peered over at me once she was done speaking.

"Us...?" I repeated quietly under my breath. My heart was thumping in my chest. She nodded.

"Do you ever think about us?" She asked. "Do you ever wish we could go back and do things differently?" 

"I do..." I spoke before I could stop myself. I practically had to stop myself from slapping my hand to my forehead. I did wish we could go back and do things differently... but not in the same way she did. She immediately looked brighter when the words came out of my mouth. _Fuck!_

"Really?" She breathed. I turned my head to look at her, adrenaline coursing through me. My eyes were so wide I had to have looked like a deer in headlights. "I-I know that we live fairly different lives now, Akira, but..." She took a deep breath. "I came here today, hoping that we could start things over." I knew what needed to be said, but I couldn't open my mouth to say them. I didn't want to break her heart all over again.

"Makoto...," I whispered, closing my eyes.

"I know it might be a stretch, Akira, but just hear me out for a moment," She requested. I rubbed my temples lightly, my mind racing as I contemplated how it bring it up. "If we both want to be with each other, I don't see why it wouldn't work..." I looked at her once more. "I miss you. You don't know how much I've been thinking about you- about _us_. Akira, all I want is to be with you." I was shocked with how forward she was being. For the first time since we started our fucked up fling, she was being totally up front with me. I let out a deep breath and shook my head.

"Makoto...," I repeated sadly. "I can't..." 

"Huh...?" She asked slowly. "But if we both feel the same, why not?" She asked. I shook my head slowly, unable to muster the courage to spit out the truth. "Is there somebody else?" She asked quietly. I snorted, a small smirk forming on my lips, and hesitantly nodded.

"Yes," I breathed. She stared at me, sorrow heavy in her eyes, and opened her mouth to speak with no words coming out.

"O-okay...," She said after a while of silence. "I'm so sorry..." To my surprise, her face flushed.

"What are you sorry for?" I snorted. I was the one who needed to be sorry!

"For bringing it up. I didn't realize you had a girlfriend," She replied curtly. Annoyance flashed through me at her tone.

"You don't have to apologize," I muttered. "I should be the one apologizing!"

"For what?" She asked incredulously. I shook my head slowly, debating if I should tell her or just leave it at that. I had the perfect opportunity to drop the subject. She knew I didn't want to be with her... but I couldn't just leave her wondering. I wanted it to be easy for her to let me go.

"For leading you on for so long...," I explained after a brief period of hesitation. Her eye brows furrowed.

"What do you mean for so long?" Makoto asked. I didn't say anything, so she soon continued. "You mean you've liked her since back when we were seeing each other?" She asked quietly. I sighed, running my fingers through my messy hair.

"I was shitty to you. And you didn't even know it," I grumbled, feeling disgusted with myself.

"W-who is she, Akira?" She stuttered out, a despondent look falling on her face once more. I knew that question was coming, and I tried to keep my feeling of panic at bay.

"Why does that matter?" I asked, looking into her eyes as I spoke. She shook her head.

"Please.. it matters," She pleaded. I knew I needed to tell her, as much as I didn't want to.

"It's somebody you know pretty well," I murmured, fiddling my hands together. She would never guess it.

"Is it somebody from our group?" She asked quietly. I simply nodded, moving my eyes forward once more. I couldn't look at her. I didn't want to see the crushed look in her eyes.

"Ann!" She gasped. I immediately frowned.

"No!" I retorted. "It's probably the last person you would expect," I sighed. I felt like an immature kid playing a guessing game. Why couldn't I just tell her?

"Who is it, Akira?" She hissed, beginning to sound impatient. "I-I know it's stupid, but I feel like I need to know..." _Ryuji._ "If it's Ann, you can tell me." _It's Ryuji.._ "I won't be mad... I- I just want to know the truth."

"It's Ryuji...," I whispered. Silence followed my words. I peered over at her to see she looked shocked.

"What...?" She asked quietly. " _Ryuji_?" She repeated in disbelief. I nodded slowly.

"Yes." I took another deep breath, my hands shaking slightly. "Ryuji..." I didn't know what else to say, so I sat in silence until she spoke.

"How long have you known...?" She breathed. I could hear the misery heavy in her voice already.

"I've had a crush on Ryuji for a long time... long before you and I... and long after...," I admitted reluctantly. I knew she was heart broken. There was nothing I could do to fix that.

"Wait. You liked him even when we were seeing each other?" She stammered in disbelief. I nodded. "W-why would you have ever done that with me, then?" She asked. I shook my head, staring forward once more. "Akira!" She snapped. "You... you took my virginity...," she whispered. I nearly winced at her words.

"I know," I grumbled, closing my eyes once more. "I'm _so_ sorry, Makoto... I really am."

"I would love to tell you that it's okay. But it's really not," She snapped. "You can't do that to people."

"I know," I told her calmly, turning to face her. "You don't know how badly I wish I could go back and change what I did." I shook my head. "I can't, though... that's why I had to be honest with you." Her face was so full of sorrow it made my stomach ache. "I want you to be able to get over me... and let go."

"I can't believe you," She hissed. I was expecting her to be angry. That was a normal reaction, and I deserved it. "I'm not mad that you're gay, Akira! Or that you like Ryuji! I'm mad that you lead me on for so fucking long!" She snarled. I nodded.

"I know," I replied, trying to remain as calm as possible. "I know it was wrong. And I know I'm an asshole." She snorted with harsh laughter before standing up.

"I can't stand to be around you right now..." Makoto hissed. "I-I have to go." Her voice cracked, and I knew she was trying not to cry.

"Makoto," I said quietly, keeping my eyes focused on her.

" _What_?" She breathed, exasperation heavy in her voice.\

"I'm so sorry. I know you hate me right now, but I hope you know I care about you," I told her truthfully.

"Akira!" She snapped, closing her eyes tightly for a moment. She took a deep breath before looking at me once again. "Don't... just- don't." She shook her head. "I care about you too... but it's too painful." She cast me a sad look before continuing. "I must go..." Part of me wanted to reach out and grab her wrist to keep her from leaving. But I didn't I didn't say another word. I didn't call after her as she turned and walked swiftly down the steps. What could I say that would make it better? Only time would heal the deep emotional wounds I inflicted on her. I hoped that one day she would forgive me.

I was left feeling somewhat hollow. I wasn't really sad that Makoto was so angry with me, and that she might never talk to me again... I just felt genuinely guilty. I had never wanted things to turn out like they did between us. I should have never started anything with her to begin with. 

After a few minutes of collecting my thoughts and trying to calm down, I decided to text Ryuji. It was running on 7 o'clock, and he was probably becoming impatient. 'Do you wanna come over now that that's over with?' I texted. It didn't take long for a response.

'I was wondering how much longer that was gonna take!' He replied. I grinned crookedly to myself. 'Headin' over now.'

'See you soon.' I replied and set my phone down. Makoto and my conversation definitely left me feeling troubled, but I didn't want Ryuji to know. I pulled my knees up to my chest and sighed, staring blankly over at my large windows. It was raining... How fitting.

I never thought Makoto and I would ever be anything serious, nor did I ever want that. She was just something to keep my mind off of my true infatuation. But clearly Makoto had wanted something more, and that was my mistake for leading it to that. I cared about her as a friend. I never wanted to hurt her.

I must have been lost in thought for quite a while, because before I knew it, I heard the oh so familiar footsteps of Ryuji coming up the steps. I looked over just in time to see him entering the attic. "Hey!" He greeted happily. He immediately slipped his sweatshirt off, which appeared to be pretty wet, and draped it over my chair.

"Didn't you have an umbrella?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Nah, it wasn't rainin' by my house," He explained with a shrug. He plopped down beside me, staring somewhat expectantly in my direction. "Sooooo?" He asked. I raised my eye brows in question, playing dumb. "How'd it go?" He asked.

"She was upset," I sighed. "She thought she was coming over for us to get back together." I snorted, shaking my head.

"Seriously? Shit dude." He kicked his shoes off in front of us before continuing to speak. "Well did you tell her about, er, us?" He asked quietly. I nodded.

"Well, kinda. I told her I liked you and that I have even before me and her had our fling," I explained, letting my legs hang over the couch once more. He nodded, looking lost in thought for a moment. I crossed my arms over my stomach, keeping my eyes focused on him. I was still feeling the sting of Makoto and I's conversation, but it was a welcome relief to have him sitting next to me.

"You alright?" Ryuji asked, looking slightly concerned. I nodded, a crooked grin forming on my lips. I was glad he was concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. She was my friend. Didn't mean to hurt her like I did," I explained. He nodded with a small grin.

"Well, wanna do somethin' to cheer yourself up?" His grin turned to a smile and he turned in his seat to face me.

"Like what?" I asked, open for suggestion. He shrugged a shoulder, but I had a feeling I knew what he wanted to do.

"You wanna go get something to eat?" He asked. Predictable as ever.

"I think I'd rather just stay in tonight, honestly," I told him with a grin. "Since it is raining and you don't have an umbrella..."

"Yeah...," Ryuji snickered and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"So." I decided to change the subject and I leaned in closer to him. "Why were you so excited to come see me tonight?" I asked cooly. His eyes widened and his cheeks flushed ever so slightly, just like I knew they would.

"Well, I, uh...," He stammered. "I dunno, man. I look forward to seein' you. You know that." He crossed his arms.

"Oh? It wasn't 'cause you were _jealouuus_?" I asked, a sadistic smile forming on my lips. He cast me a scowl and snorted.\

"Come on, Akira!" Ryuji whined.

"I'm kidding. Relax," I laughed. "But, I dunno. Did you wanna play games or something?" I asked with a sigh. I wouldn't have minded going somewhere, but I didn't particularly want to be out in the rain.

"Yeah, I guess. I'm always up for a round." He looked up at me, a hint of something behind his expression as he smiled at me. "And by the way..." He reached forward and grabbed onto the collar of my shirt, tugging me forward until our lips collided. My bottom lip was immediately met by his teeth. He bit down roughly and pulled away. "I was jealous..." My stomach warmed immediately. I reached my hand up and slid my fingers through the hair on the back of his skull, gripping on lightly.

"Good," I breathed before pulling him forward to kiss him once more. I could kiss Ryuji for hours and not get tired of it. I loved the way his mouth felt against mine. I wanted to get closer to him. No matter how much our bodies were touching, it was never enough. He suddenly pulled back, a smile on his face.

"I thought we were playing a game!" He snickered. I paused before begrudgingly nodding.

"Yeah. Alright." I gathered myself before standing to grab the controllers for us. "Same as usual?" I asked. He nodded, grabbing the controller from me as I handed it back to him. I sat down right next to him, so that our legs were touching, and cast him a warm grin. He gazed at me, eyes soft, and reached over to squeeze my thigh momentarily.

We began our first round, but I could hardly even pay attention. I could feel Ryuji's body heat radiating onto me, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Shit, I didn't wanna play... I wanted to fool around with the handsome guy sitting next to me. Was that so much to ask after my shitty day?

After about three rounds, I ended up setting my controller down. He glanced at me, an eye brow raised. "You done already?" He asked. I shrugged a shoulder, leaning forward to kiss his cheek.

"I dunno. Maybe." I glanced over at my window to see it was still raining. "You know, we have the whole night alone." I wasn't trying to be _too_ suggestive. He nodded, still not understanding what I was getting at. I moved my mouth against his neck, lightly kissing.

"W-whatcha doin'?" He asked, his voice bright but wary. I couldn't help but snicker.

"Nothing." I pulled back to look at him. "Do you wanna make out?" I asked bluntly. There I go again, feeling like some stupid kid. I didn't care though. Ryuji laughed loudly at that.

"What- are you thirteen?" He asked playfully.

"Maybe," I mumbled, leaning in to rest my forehead on his. I stared into his brown eyes, feeling lost in my emotions as I so often did when I looked at him.

"Maybe we could make out for a little...," He suggested quietly. I grinned and sat back.

"Really?" I asked, my stomach jumping with happiness. He let out a small laugh before nodding. I stood up from my seat and reached my hand down for him to take a hold of. I lead him a few steps when he suddenly stopped in his tracks. I turned to look, an eye brow raised.

"Do you realize how fuckin' hot you are?" Ryuji asked playfully, a wide smile on his face.

"Oh?" I asked. Where did that come from?

"Mmhmm... lil' bit." He reached forward and grabbed onto my pants, pulling me forcefully forward against him. A devious smile never left his face.

"Do you realize how perfect you are?" I asked quietly. He shook his head.

"You mean how flawed I am?" He whispered back, inching closer to my face.

"Perfectly flawed, maybe...," I breathed just before our lips connected. He wasted no time being gentle, and went right in with the tongue and teeth. He was clearly taking my make out request seriously. I couldn't help but snicker as he did so. I honestly never imagined he would be so forceful. Not sure why- this was Ryuji I was talking about after all. He bit my bottom lip roughly before gently sliding his tongue across it. A shudder went through my body and I pushed him against the closest wall with a small thud. I pressed my body into his, and I definitely noticed his hard on this time. "You happy to see me finally?" I asked playfully. He laughed, reaching up to pull my glasses off my face. He tossed them onto the couch before replying.

"More than happy." He gripped tightly onto my hair on the back of my head, causing pain to radiate from the area. I _loved_ having my hair pulled.

"You're so sexy," I breathed, grabbing onto the collar of his shirt and pulling him forward. He stared into my eyes, his grin never faltering, and he leaned in for a kiss once more. Our teeth clanked together as our mouths opened into the kiss, neither of us seeming able to get close enough to the other. I moved my hands down the front of him until it came to the button on his pants. I undid them quickly before undoing my own. I pulled back just enough to give me room to slip my shirt over my head. He did the same before pressing against me once more, this time our warm skin on each other's. "Do you want to get to know me now?" I whispered and he snickered. He nodded, his eyes wide and filled with lust and concern.

"I've never done this before, Akira," Ryuji confessed quietly. I smiled softly at my boyfriend, running the back of my hand over his flushed cheek.

"You'll be fine," I assured him with a whisper. The first time was definitely intimidating, so I understood his hesitation.

"You look so good," Ryuji murmured, pressing his lips against my neck. Goosebumps rose on the back of my neck at the feeling of his mouth and I shuddered."I want you so bad," He breathed, digging his nails into my back. I took a sharp breath in, not expecting the sudden pain.

"I want you too," I panted. I was trying to keep my composure, trying to hide the fact that I was a dirty, hungry dog for him. But, fuck I was losing my composure fast. I was so horny that my balls were beginning to hurt. I had a feeling I was going to jiz embarrassingly quickly. I gripped onto his hair and pulled his head back from my neck, pressing him against the wall more. I leaned in for another rough kiss. I pushed my hips into his, wanting him to feel what he was doing to me. "What do you want me to do to you?" I breathed through fervent kisses. Ryuji bit my lip and slowly pulled back, biting harder right before releasing my skin from his grasp.

"Don't make me say it. You know what I want...," He whispered, his voice breaking momentarily. A devious smile spread on my lips. I gazed into his eyes for a few moments before turning him around so he was facing the wall. I pulled down my pants just enough to expose my dick, and then I did the same with his pants.

Ryuji seemed uncomfortable at first, his body rigid as I thrusted. I leaned into him, letting my head rest against the back of his neck. I grabbed onto his hand, which was pressed firmly against the wall. He took a hold of it and held on so tight it almost hurt. His breathing became short and harsh. The pleasure I was feeling was almost too much. I stifled a moan, not wanting to seem like I'd never had sex before. I had just wanted to this for _so_ long. It was really hard to contain myself. After all those nights spent in Leblanc bathroom, touching myself, thinking about Ryuji and I doing all sorts of dirty things... it was actually _happening_.

"Oh my god, Akira...," Ryuji breathed. I closed my eyes tightly. "I'm gonna fuckin'-" I didn't even hear the rest of what he said. His voice was too much for me. I came so hard I was almost lightheaded. I gripped so tightly onto his hip, I'm pretty sure I left a bruise. We both stood against the wall, trying to catch our breath, our sweaty bodies sticking together. After a moment of regaining my composure, I stumbled over to a pile of dirty clothing. I picked something out and cleaned myself up before handing it off to him. I pulled my pants up and walked over to my bed where I proceeded to collapse. Ryuji was soon to follow in my actions.

I laid in my bed, the sheets sticking to my sweaty back in the most uncomfortable way. I stared up at the ceiling, a feeling of pure bliss taking over me. I took a deep breath, my pounding heart beginning to slow down. I turned my head to look at Ryuji, who was staring up at the ceiling as well. I smiled as he peered over at me.

"God damn," I huffed out. He smiled as well and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Shit... I feel the same," He breathed before laughing. "To think I would lose my virginity to a fucking dude. And I mean that in the best way possible!" I also laughed, taking no offense. I was more than happy to have taken his virginity. After another second or so, Ryuji turned swiftly and wrapped his arms around me, practically laying on top of me. I returned the gesture and closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling.

"I don't know why you couldn't get anyone to fuck you before me," I pondered lightly. "I mean- you're funny... good looking... Maybe you're a little crude sometimes, but that's alright." Ryuji lifted his head and scowled at me.

"Hey! What're you sayin'?" He growled and I couldn't help but laugh, shaking my head.

"Nothing, I'm just messing around," I snickered and he let his chin rest on my chest.

"Yeah, well, I don't care anyways... I'm kinda glad no girl wanted me now," He said quietly, his fingers tracing lightly over my skin. A crooked grin formed on my face. Not going to lie, my head felt a little inflated with that comment... but whose wouldn't? Taking a straight guy's virginity, then be told that he's glad you were his first.

"Me too, obviously." I let out a satisfied sigh and ran my hand up his back until it came to rest on the back of his head. I ran my fingers through his messy hair absentmindedly as we laid together.

"Hey, Akira... I kinda, uh... busted on your wall," He admitted sheepishly. I laughed loudly at that. I was just glad he'd cum, too. I felt like it was over so fast. Plus I can imagine it to be quite painful. Maybe I wasn't the only one with the pent up sexual frustration.

"I'll make sure to clean it up before Morgana comes back," I said quietly and Ryuji smacked his hand lightly over his flushing face.

"Oh, god..." He turned his head so his cheek was resting against my bare chest. I ran my fingers through his hair once more. It all felt surreal again. "I'm glad we did that," He said softly.

"You don't know how fucking long I've wanted to do that," I snickered, and I could feel him smile against my skin. "Maybe I should make you jealous more often...," I mused.

"No!" Ryuji objected. "Ain't gonna need to make me fuckin' jealous to do that again, man. Trust me...," He breathed, tightening his grip around me. I smiled to myself, thinking about how lucky I was. He was so improper, outspoken, and free spirited... He was the opposite of Makoto.

"Hey," I whispered. He lifted his head, propping himself up slightly so he could focus on me. He gave me an inquisitive gaze when I didn't continue. "I'm sorry, you know.."

"'Bout what?" He cocked his head to the side, eye brows furrowing slightly.

"Makoto," I muttered, feeling small under his stare suddenly. To my relief, his eyes softened.

"Man, you can't be sorry about that...," He said quietly. "You never knew this would happen." I nodded.

"I know... but I should have never tried to bury my feelings like that," I sighed. Ryuji shook his head, leaning forward to kiss my cheek. He kept his forehead resting against mine as he spoke.

"Nothin' we can do but move past that. Was a long time ago, anyways," He whispered. I nodded, a small grin forming on my lips. He moved back, giving me a smile before laying in the crook of my arm. He let out a deep sigh and ran his fingers over my chest lightly.

We both laid in silence after that. It was a comfortable silence, as it usually was with him. But after a little while, I noticed that his breathing had slowed, his eyes closed. Was he falling asleep? "Ryuji?" I asked quietly.

"Hm?" He answered, but didn't move.

"Are you tired?" I asked. He nodded before taking a deep breath. I was oddly awake, despite having just had sex. I think it was because I'd been wanting to for so long, and it finally happened, and now my adrenaline was still wearing off. I decided to let him sleep. I laid next to him, my fingers gently running through his hair. He looked so peaceful as he slept. I couldn't stop thinking about what we had just done together. How vulnerable we'd allowed ourselves to be for each other.. How did I get so fucking lucky? My chest welled with emotion, and before I could stop myself, I whispered into the air, "I love you so much." I was surprised when he leaned closer and wrapped his arms around my body once more.

"I love you too, Akira," He replied, his voice soft and tired. Did he really just say it back? No.. he probably just meant as a friend. Right? Maybe I needed to make myself a little more clear.

"And when I say I love you, I mean I'm in love with you...," I reiterated after a couple seconds of silence. He let out a little snort and nodded.

"I know," He whispered. "That's what I meant too." He held onto me tightly, his fingers lightly brushing against my skin. I buried my face in Ryuji's hair and took a deep breath. It was so hard to believe that not long ago, we had both been secretly been longing for this day to come. The day when we would exchange those three little words.

And damn... did it feel better than I could ever have imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like writing detailed sex scenes anymore- used to, not so much anymore... I'm not good at it! Haha. Hope you enjoyed the last chapter! :)


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